Quiet Girl, Loud Words

Savior

I have a friend who idolizes me

She sees me as everything she wants
everything she needs

She cuts thin lines into her pale thighs to remind herself what it's like to heal
because the world won't let her

She hates herself and everything she represents
She was the picture perfect daughter
but
she decided to step out of the frame

She saves her money so she can get away
but no matter how far she travels she can't leave
She's younger than me but she strives to be older
She lives in a world run by her mother
controlling her
contorting her
transforming her
into something she's not
Watching her lose herself but not knowing she's gone

To her I am a savior
The eye in her hurricane
Her bomb shelter when the  rest of the world is exploding
To her I am freedom tapping on her shoulder
telling her to keep the pennies the cashier hands back to her
so that someday she can get out of here

To her I am calm
I am collected
I am mysterious
I am trustworthy
She tells me all of this

I tell her she is beautiful
That she is powerful
She is smart
She is liked

But she tells me that no one likes her
so tell her
"I like you"
She tells me I am the only one.
That no one else in this world likes her,
So I tell her
"Who needs them"
And she whispers to me
"I need them"

I watch the tears drip down her face
Slipping down her cheeks like the last drops of hope

She idolizes me.
She makes me into what she wants to see not what I am
She can't see that I've fought to become
who I am
That the weight in my heart has made it so I can't stand up anymore

Because that would mean I'm not perfect
That no one is perfect

But she strives for perfection anyway

She loses herself to be liked by others
She doesn't know what she wants yet all she wants is for the other girls to like her
Yet they still run from her

She told me that it's all a game
That in the end
she'd win
But the only way to win the game
is to lose yourself