Secretly Waiting

Chapter 12

Hey guys.. I was going over my chapters and I know this is cheesy but this one really hit me hard. I really want to just get this out there from my own experiences.. PLEASE THINK CAREFULLY ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU DO IN LIFE. No matter how much you plan and work towards something ANYTHING can happen. In the words of John Lennon ... "Life happens while you're busy making other plans"

this could not be more true.

Enjoy. Oh and please comment if you want. I love getting feed back :)

Over the next few months I had picked a wonderful ob-gyn, moved back in with Doug, learned I was having a girl, designed a nursery, and watched to many episodes of "A Baby Story" on TLC to count. For the record, if you ever get pregnant and start watching these shows be forewarned that you absolutely will become addicted, and scared out of your mind.

I've read and re-read "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and after multiple trips to my doctor with complaints and fears caused by these types of books and shows, I learned that when my baby is jerking around in there that she isn't have a seizure, just hiccups, and if she hasn't moved for a few hours it isn't because I've miscarried, it's because my busy lifestyle has lulled her to sleep.

Luckily my doctor never got so tired of me that she sent me to someone else and helped me to laugh through these paranoid episodes I've been having.

"Damn Ash, the baby isn't even here yet. What are you going to do when she's actually learning to walk or gets her first fever?" Doug would joke with me.

Life with him hasn't been that bad, and even though I would constantly question the things he did, I haven't felt the need to leave yet. I never thought about kids to the point that I had my life planned around them, but it never dawned on me to be a single mother. Kids need a family right? Even though I had a good enough job that would support us, I really wanted to give my child a chance to maybe have the life I had growing up.

Yes, things HAD been good, untill one weekend he came home bitching about Jackson's mom, once again canceling her weekend plans to get him. Apparently, and without asking me I might add, Doug had planned a guys night at a friends house playing video games all night and drinking beer, his number one favorite thing to do.

I really didn't want to offer to stay with Jackson by myself since when I cut my hours down at the salon the closer my due date got, I've pretty much had Jackson the entire time. Don't get me wrong, he's a good kid and all, but pregnancy hasn't been fun for me. I was always sick, and when I wasn't working I had Jax, so I hardly got any rest.

"Babe?" Doug asked sweetly. To sweetly for my liking.

"You wouldn't mind staying here with him would you? I won't be all night this time, I promise." he told me with hope clear in his eyes.

I looked up from my magazine and gave him a look that let him know I wasn't impressed that he had asked. Was he serious? Finally I rolled my eyes. I knew if I told him no he would just pout and act like a grump all night so I caved and told him yes. Of corse for the rest of the time he was home he treated me like a princess, but I knew he was just happy he was getting out for the night.

After fixing Jackson and myself something to eat, I gave him a bath and then put him to bed with his favorite movie. I was to exhausted to deal with him whining and getting up numerous times the way he liked to do if we left the T.V. off.

I went over my list of clients for the next day and ran through the notes from consultations to prepare myself, then got online out of straight boredom. Usually, I only get online to track my baby's, progress. Tonight though I went to my Facebook account.

Scrolling down I saw what I had been dreading to see.. Trey. I see his postings every now and then and a small pang of regret hits me every time. He's pretty busy out there doing who knows what, and doesn't post often, but when he does it's mostly about how bad it sucks out there and how he can't wait to get home.

I haven't spoken to him since I last emailed him telling him I was pregnant and getting back with Doug. About a week after I told him he sent me one back saying he hoped things ended up how I wanted them to and wished me luck. It wasn't in a smart ass way either which made me like him even more.

All the talks we had online and hour long phone calls, along with the one night we actually acted on our attraction for each other, were the only things I had to go by, but he really was a great guy, and I knew any girl that snagged him would have me jealous.

Oh well. Instead of spying on his profile and working myself up over the many girls who usually posted on his wall, I signed off and went to sleep.

At around two in the morning I woke up and went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. It was then I noticed Doug wasn't in the bed when I got out of it. What the fuck?

I went back into the bedroom and checked my cell phone. No missed calls or messages.

"Doug you ass hole where are you?" I said to myself. I called and texted him but got nothing. After thirty minutes I called again, still no answer, so finally out of pure anger and maybe a little of my raging pregnancy hormones, I just called over and over until I realized he wasn't going to answer and I only looked like a nut job.

Finally almost an hour later my phone rang. Seeing it was him I answer.

"Hello?"

"What's up?" He slurred drunkenly, trying to sound more sober than he was.

"Doug? Where in the hell are you?"

I could hear loud noise and music in the background. A club? Where in the hell was a club open around here at this hour?

The only response I get was him laughing and then, "Oh shit!" and then he hung up.

Again, WHAT THE FUCK?!

I angrily stomped around the house to let the frustration out and then forced myself to calm down. I didn't want to wake Jax up, nor did I want to hurt myself or the baby. I took deep breaths and let them out, and then I cried myself to sleep on the couch.

One more month. Just one more and Lilly would be here and hopefully I would be able to make a decision about this whole mess.

Before I fell asleep something Trey had said floated into my thoughts. He said the military messed up our chance of meeting before I got with Doug. But now I thought me being pregnant messed up our chance of eventually trying again. Why is life so messed up? I guess what they say about it not being fair is true.