light headed | boyxboy

treinta y uno|31|trente et un

In loving memory of G, who passed away in February. 

You were my biggest support when I wrote this story seven years ago. Every new idea for Light Headed excited you and gave me the courage to write. You listened adamantly as I read chapters to you before they were published over lunch at school or on Facetime. You were a big part of this story, I wish yours wasn't over. 

G loved Jax and Miller. This is all dedicated to her. 

Thank you to anyone reading. I saw your comments, I've decided to try and republish some of this for you. 

_

What does it mean if every time you so much as glance at your best friend your stomach does ten thousand star jumps, eighteen backflips and then rollercoasters up into your throat? 

God, you'd think I'd have killer abs with this emotional turmoil workout.  

I try to let dance and Levi fade into obscurity in the following weeks spent with Miller, but my anxiety eats away at me. My dreams are consumed by images of eating and busy flashes of mirrors and ballet studios, like a vision from the Twilight movie. I wake in a cold sweat and get dressed to jog down the puddled streets beyond. I wonder why I'm good enough for Levi and Vieja Bruja. 

Miller, unbeknownst to all of this, is starting to convince me I am.  Every laugh, every touch and every time our eyes meet, I can't help but wonder if I'm truly delusional or if he feels it too. Like what we're doing right now.

"Betrayal", I cry, racing him out of the hall and into the park as the clock calls for the end of the school day.

"It wasn't me, Jax! I would never drink the rest of your awful 'low calorie' chocolate milk", Miller laments, poking fun at me. I raise a sarcastic eyebrow at him, his shaggy blond hair and puppy dog eyes. 

"Plead guilty and beg for forgiveness", I cross my arms as I walk, my slacks dipping into the mud tragically. 

"I'm lactose intolerant, Jax", he exclaims gravely. "I solemnly swear"

"Oh, you're up to no good", I narrow my eyes and he laughs. I shake my head and do an impression of deep thought. "Fine. You didn't drink my glorious low cal chocolate milk on account of fear of diarrhoea"

Miller squawk's in horror and punches my arm, claiming that's not what happens and I don't know what I'm talking about and blah blah blah. I push him back, relishing the moment of dominance and laughing with him.

"I actually have news", he says, eyes lighting up after a moment. I adjust my bag slung over my shoulder and note his proud smile. "I got ninety-six per cent on my Spanish exam."

"Miller!", I exclaim loudly, stopping to really look at him. "That's brilliant!"

"It's because of you", he says, and miraculously lifts his hand to touch my cheek lightly. I fall victim to his gaze. "Thank you."

"De nada", I say softly, barely audible over the thrum of my heartbeat. His fingertips are on my jaw, featherlight. 

"And you are welcome to know that Theo did, in fact, drink your awful low calorie chocolate milk, Jax", Eve interjects, appearing next to us magically and tossing glossy braids over her shoulder. Miller and I jump apart, the spell broken and our brief moment lost. I silently thank her, horrified by what I might have done had she not interrupted, gone malleable under Miller's lightest touch.  

"Mystery solved", I drawl. Miller chorus's 'I told you so!' and throws an arm around us both.

"Come to Maple in celebration, won't you?", Evening smoothes her navy uniform skirt and smacks her gum. 

"My shift ends at eight", Miller tells her in agreement. I keep my eyes on my feet, which are going through the five positions in ballet, a nervous habit born of longing. 

"It's a date", she quips, departing with a wink. I smile, mentally preparing for my first real outing with my new friends. 

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