She Who Changed me

Chapter 1-Grumpy Beginnings

Friday mornings at Cream and Sugar Café were usually pretty busy, but today it was raining. Which meant fewer customers and more time for me to think about that damned letter. I found it a week and a half ago and I've read it more times than necessary. My life had changed so drastically when Huxley came marching into it. Of course, I hadn't welcomed it at first, but she was so intriguing and different. She wore the weirdest things, ordered the most peculiar drinks and said whatever was on her mind. She was everything I wasn't.

I found some courage in myself to talk to her one day, from then on there wasn't a dull moment in my life. It's mid-July now and I feel like I'm back where I started. I crawled back into my little cave, and this time I didn't even light a fire. I wanted to be left alone. Mom had been ecstatic when I made a friend. Especially when I actually did things with this friend. I haven't told anyone about the letter. I thought it was a joke at first. But the more I read it the more it sounded like the Huxley I knew. I just felt so betrayed when she left. I hadn't gotten that close to someone in years. I shared so many fears and aspirations with her. I finally thought I found that best friend you only read about in books.

The last customer bids goodbye and I release a grumble as I clean their dishes. I still have another hour before I could go home. I stare out the window, watching the rain come down. It wasn't a storm but it was strong enough that people didn't want to come to get coffee and eat pastries. I couldn't blame them, seeing as I wanted to be at home right now curled up in bed with my sketchbook. But no, I was here.
        I take the dishes back to the counter and drop them in the sink. Out of boredom, I pull the letter out from my apron. I don't know why I bring it with me, but some part of me feels connected to Huxley while I have it. I always knew there was something I was missing with Huxley, she always had this look in her eye that I couldn't place. I guess I just never knew her whole story.

        I read the letter over again and a part of me wants to do what she's asking. I remember how I felt when I went on stupid escapades with Huxley. My heart would beat so hard I thought it would jump out of my chest, but I would always have a smile plastered on my face. I was happy and for once in my life; having fun. I wanted to feel like that again. I want that adrenaline rush, I want to feel free again.

        My boss Sandy comes out from her office in the back and lets me go early. The rain had started to come down more and she didn't expect any more customers to show up. I know she had seen me reading the letter, many times actually but she never says anything. If mom had seen it she would have grilled me with questions. I love my mom, we are really close but she was there to pick up the pieces after Huxley left. She saw how broken I was. If she ever saw this she might not be so sympathetic.

        I run to my car as fast as my non-athletic legs will let me. I still managed to get soaked, my dirty blonde hair now dripping down my back. I pull it up into a messy bun and head home. It's quiet inside and I figure mom's still at work. She's a nurse and has an ever-changing schedule. I miss the days when we would eat dinner together and tell each other how our day was. She started to take on more shifts the older I got. It's easy to take on more shifts at the hospital but not so easy to cut back. 

I let out a sigh and reheat yesterday's leftovers. My cat Maisie rubs up against my leg in search of food. I feed her then proceed to feed myself. I curl up in my room with my laptop and sketchbook. I put on Panic! At The Disco's new song and start to draw. Drawing has always been my safe haven. I don't really show it to anyone, I use it for myself. Gets my thoughts out, makes me feel relaxed. I remember Huxley trying to sneak glances at my sketchbook before I would shoo her away. I have a feeling she still managed to see some of them. 

Thinking about Huxley makes me get up and pull her letter from my apron. I read it again, at this point I know it by heart but a part of me hopes the address is Huxley's and not some person I don't know. I lay on my bed staring at my ceiling while holding the letter to my chest. I close my eyes and remember how carefree I was when Huxley was here. I wasn't as tightly wound, I worried less. I had more fun. I don't know why I can't do that without her. I could listen to what her words are telling me to do. I could pack up my car, I could go to places I've never been, I could get out of this small town for a reason that isn't school. I could travel as I've always dreamed of doing. 

Without much thought, I start to gather clothes and shove them into my backpack. It's summer so most are shorts and tank tops but I make sure to bring a raincoat and some pants just in case. Fifteen minutes later I have a bag packed with the essentials and some money I've been saving. I take a deep breath as doubt starts to cross my mind. This could all just be a joke. This Max person might not even live at this address anymore. 

For the first time in my life, I ignore the thoughts rolling around in my head and just do what I want. I call work and let my boss know I won't be back for a while. I write a note and leave it on the kitchen table for mom so she knows I'm safe. I take one last look at my childhood home and Maisie dozing off on the couch. 

I do exactly what Huxley's letter tells me to do. I get in my little blue car and I go. But a part of me knows I'm not doing this for Huxley. Sure, the answers will help ease my mind but I'm doing this for me. I'm letting go and hopefully, it works out.