The Act of Loving

1•The Beginning of the End

The music is pumping through the speakers and the smell of marijuana, booze, and body oder fill the air. I'm so tired of this scene. Don't get me wrong, because I love a good party- from time to time. I like them even more when they aren't thrown at my house. Let's be honest, would you like a party filled with potentially dangerous people in your home? Didn't think so.

You all are probably wondering, why would this chick throw a party when she doesn't want one? The answer is, I didn't. My mother did, and before you get the wrong idea, this party is not for me. She wouldn't even care if I weren't here. I could leave.

However, my mother is an addict and an alcoholic. Now, she isn't always strung out, and she isn't always horrible while she's using, but she does have her moments. I am her first and only child, but she treats me more like a friend than a daughter. That's our relationship. Always has been.

I am the mother of myself and I am her babysitter at times like this. She doesn't know how much I really do for us, because she is sub-par at treating me right and terrible at being an adult. She deals with dangerous people and I fix problems. Hurt feelings, angry people, and the house duties.

I am 18 and my mother is 35. I finished high school at the age of 16, and with my concurrent classes and the college classes I now take online, I will obtain my Bachelors' Degree in the spring. Anyways, enough about me and mine, and on to the current events.

I sit on the couch and survey the crowd. I see a three couples making out, a bunch of people dancing, and the smoking circle in the corner. I stand up and go to the kitchen to find my mom. I squeeze past people who are too wasted to care that I have somewhere to go. Though, they probably would care regardless. I find myself against the wall taking some deep breaths after being pushed a few times.

"I can do this," I mutter to myself under my breath.

I go again and this time make it to the kitchen. I quickly spot my mom heading to the garage followed by two large men. I know what is about to happen and hurry after them. The garage stays empty unless my mom is in there with people.

I push past the door as she tries to close it and I look up to see one of the men glaring at me. I walk around him to my mother who is obviously stoned and has a glass bottle of vodka in her hands. I grab her arm and gently pull her to away from the men. "One second, please." I turn and say to them.

One nods while the other continues giving me a look, and I turn back to my mother. I whisper to her, "Mom, what are you doing?"

She rolls her eyes and replies quietly, "What does it look like? Johnny and Bev are the big homies of Van. We are talking Kilos. Do you know how big this could be for us. I can make thousands from this!"

I gasp, "Mom, you can't do this! You could get killed, or caught. It's not safe and I won't let you do this."

I cross my arms. "You can't stop me Grace. I'm this adult here, not you." My mother takes a swig of her vodka and closes her eyes.

"Mom no, don't do this to us. Once your in this deep, you know you can't just leave. They only want to use you." I grab her arm.

She pulls her arm back violently and raises her voice. "I don't care Grace. I'm setting us up for life! It will be good. You only care about you."

I feel the monster in my chest surfacing and try to keep in down. "I only care about me? Is that why I've been picking up your messes for the last eighteen years of my life? Is that why I stay after everyone else leaves you? Is th..."

I was cut off by a slap to the face. She's never hit me before and I'm taken aback. I look at her and see the fire in her eyes and I know exactly what I've done. "Mom, no. Please..."

"I knew I should have gotten rid of you when I had the chance. You ruined my relationships, my plans, and everything else. I hate you." She said, slurring a few words.

"Mom, you don't mean that. I love you." I said quietly.

"Stop telling me what I mean, and what to do. I'm sick of it. Maybe you would listen to me if I beat you more."

"Mom, please. I mean it this time. I've got limits and I'll leave. I real.."

"Where will you go? I've got people everywhere hun. People like Van are good at finding people. And you always say you'll leave. 'Mom, don't do meth.' 'Mom don't do that deal.' 'Mom stop drinking.' All of those ended with you saying you'll leave! Did you? No. Why? Because I own you."

"No, I own me. You don't mother." I straighten up and lift my chin.

"Don't you buck up to me baby girl,or I'll treat you like you're grown." She says.

I stay up and cross my arms. "I am grown, now let's go. We are done here."
I say firmly.

She swings the almost full bottle quicker than I thought she could. The impact makes me spin and land on the floor with the glass shards and spilled vodka. She atop me soon after, delivering a swing at the same side of my face she hit already.

I bring my arms up to block the rest of her hits and soon, she's off me and I hear her yelling. My vision is blurry, I can tell she's being held back by the men I forgot were there. I get up and stagger to the door. My head is spinning.

The people and the music don't help. I push my way through the crowd and feel a drip of something down my cheek. I wipe it off and sigh at the blood on my hand. It's not a lot, but it's enough to need a bandaid. I finally make it to my room after what seems like 10 minutes. I almost make it to my bed when the tears which I held in to that point, make their way to my eyes.

A million thoughts and feelings are racing through my head, but one thing is for certain. I'm leaving.

| End of Chapter 1|