"Hijab is not being covered when you're in sight of a non-mahram, but rather it's being covered when a non-mahram is in your sight."
When I got into that college, I was a whole new person. I still loved people, I still was just as friendly but I had nothing to hide in my phone, nothing to worry about at home. My life was way much simpler than it was ever before. All this time, I thought my life was complicated but it was actually me causing those complications. I stopped holding grudges against people. I never actually fought with any of my friends, just once or twice with my cousins but that's all. But what I needed to do was free my heart from all the hate, all the grudges. I stopped letting my ego get in the way of something good, like making up to people, ignoring all the little things that might be hurtful but avoidable. I acted silly, even though I was actually a really deep person, just so I could see a smile on someone's face. And that smile on a random person's face meant a lot to me. I always thought that each and every one of the people I'm seeing everyday are going through something in their lives so why not make them laugh and let them forget what they're grieving on for a few minutes. But after all, I was just a human with flaws. There were times when I would slip up and say something hurtful or something I shouldn't have said. I regretted it the moment something bad left my mouth.
I still committed sins but I made sure to always repent to Allah. The feeling of remorse was always there. When I moved on like this, kept changing for better like this, I couldn't help but think that losing my best friend, getting into this college and all the past events of my life were all a part of Allah's plan. If I still had my best friend I would've never be able to change.
I realized this when just before the start of college, me and my old friends (including the best friend) decided to meet up. I remember I wanted to wear a hijab. I still had some make up on, it wasn't that much. But I didn't feel like going out with my hair wide open, colliding with people's faces. But my best friend gave me the are-you-kidding-me look and told me to take it off in such a way that I couldn't help but feel embarrassed. So I took it off. But after that, my desire for doing hijab increased. I didn't know if I was ready, I didn't know if it was just for the sake of Allah but I wanted to do it.
I already used to wear abaya* on the way to college, but I used to take my scarf off during college hours. I started to wear hijab at a few weddings that weren't of my relatives so nobody knew me there. There were just sometimes when I would take my scarf off even if non-mahrams were present, like in front of my friends' families.
The time when I firmly decided to wear the hijab just for the sake of Allah, was when my 12th grade started. I kept it on during college hours. I kept it on when at a friend's or a cousin's house. I became aware of the non-mahrams around me, even my male-cousins. But my ultimate test was wearing the hijab at one of my relatives' wedding. Nobody in my family, living in Pakistan, used to wear hijab at weddings. Even my own mother apposed this idea of mine. She tried to persuade me multiple times not to do it but I had already taken my decision and I knew I couldn't back down now. Allah was watching me and I couldn't back out from this oath when I had already promised Him.
Despite my mother's pleas, I still did the hijab and it was a whole new experience. People were watching me with judgmental eyes, the people belonging to my extended family. It was the first time that all the people of my family were seeing me with no make up on and head covered. I felt like a fish out of water. I just sat at one place without participating much in the wedding. At that moment, my change was evident to even my own eyes. I wasn't engaging myself in each and every trivial conversation like I used to do. I felt so indifferent. But the most important thing was I felt peaceful. I knew all of this, all of my efforts were for Allah's sake and His sake only. This thing that I thought of as indifference was actually Islam that I used to disregard all this time.
But one of my cousins said something to me which was so powerful that it made me write this. She said to me, "Farah, you're going on the right path, you're changing for good but you're so selfish that you're not sharing it with us." I wanted to tell her that words are powerless without actions. So I'm sharing it with you through my actions. And that I myself had a lot to learn. But what she said, got to my heart. And I decided I would learn more, I would become the better version of myself each and every day not just for Allah's sake but for the sake of His creation too.
A/N:
*Abaya: a gown that covers the entire body
If there are any other terms you guys want to know the meaning of, you guys can ask me in the comments.
Have a nice day!
YOU ARE READING
My Niqab Story
Spiritual"The deeper you are in the dark, the more desire you feel to be in the light and the more you are familiar with the light, the more efficiently you'll embrace it." ----------------------------------------------------------------- 0% Fiction 35% Humo...
