Simon received his car from the valet and was off like a shot. The quicker he could get home the better. He knew that he had had too much to drink to be driving, but it didn't seem to be having the slightest effect on him tonight. He wasn't out to get drunk; he was out just to drink enough to be numb. Girls had broken his heart before, but it was different this time. At least he'd gotten the chance to love those girls. He loved Paula, but it wasn't the same when they didn't love you back and they never would.
He slid into his driveway with a screech, and he got into the house as fast as he could. He slung the keys into the air, and went off to find his supply of liquor.
And he'd been sitting in the same spot ever since that night. The only major event that happened was Simon moving his cars to the garage so if Paula happened to drive by or stop in, it would appear that he was gone away. The person that he once couldn't wait to see everyday was now the person he had no desire to see. He had figured when the day came that Ryan or Randy would call to tell him of Paula's good fortune so he wouldn't make a fool of himself, but they hadn't called and he had been a fool.
At least he hadn't told her though because if he had, then he really wouldn't ever be able to face her again. He almost had, but Dante had interrupted them. If Simon never said anything nice about him, he'd at least give him the credit of having impeccable timing.
And Simon hoped that the same impeccable timing would already have Paula and Dante out of London and back in L.A. She'd left messages for him, put Julie up to calling him, and he was certain that she'd stopped by more than a couple of times.
Hopefully she had gotten the hint because it broke his heart when she was crying when she left messages and the despair that he could hear in her voice when she said that she was really worried about him.
Simon knew himself; he'd get over this in due time, just like he had Colt and every other, but it was just going to take awhile to shake it off. As long as they made alcohol and answering machines, he could stomach being around the happy couple. After all, he'd rather see Paula happy than miserable, and he was certain that's what she would be if she were with him instead of Dante.
The telephone rang and there was a clatter of glass bottles bumping into each other as he walked towards the phone and looked on the caller ID.
Abdul, Paula
He slid down the wall and started to cry as the rings echoed on.
"This is Simon. It's apparent that I'm either not home or that I don't want to talk to you. So leave a message and I'll get back to you."
He heard a sad sigh and her voice quiver as she began the message. "Hey Simon, um...it's Paula. I guess you're really busy or ignoring me, but I really am concerned about you. Even if you just let it ring once, please call me so I know that you're alive and well. Anyway, I didn't know if you were flying over for auditions or not, but maybe we could have dinner or something before they really get started. Please call me Si..."
And his heart tore in half as the last seconds of the message were her sobs. His hands reached for the phone shakily, and were ready to dial, but he threw it against the wall and it shattered into pieces.
"No, you can't do this, Simon. She deserves to be happy, and she can't be that way with me in the picture. I love her, but she wants Dante more. I hope he can make her happy and give her all of the things that I can't. Oh Paula, I do love you, and I wish you could know I was okay to put your mind at ease, but I can't because of the fact that I love you so much. I can't trust myself to let things be as they are. I'm a selfish, heartless bastard, and I only want you for myself, and I can't figure why I was too damn stubborn to say something before. I know I can't change the past, but I'm kicking my ass now."
