The Pain of Memories

Chapter 7.. Return

I'm sorry for all the time skips! I hate them myself, but I hate boring parts of a story even more! I'd rather not make a bunch of boring filler chapters, so this is necessary. This should be the last skip for a while though! Thank you so much for taking time to read this story! I love you all!

----------1 month later------------

Dear Mom,

Umidjon still haunts my dreams. He's there, every night, when I fall asleep. However, it helps to think of Natsu. He stars in my mind every night. When I feel like Umidjon is about to finally destroy me, Natsu is always there, bathed in golden light, giving me hope that I can defeat him. My friends at Fairy Tail have given me all the love and support I've needed to keep fighting. I feel terrible for making them work so hard, but I really doubt they would stop if I asked.

The good news is that Natsu said he loved me. Can you believe it?? He finally returns my feelings for him. Makarov said Umidjon's magic has been interfering with my memories, but I still don't understand why I still can't tell him that he's wrong. I thought the love from Natsu and Fairy Tail would be proof enough. But I guess there's still something somewhere in my heart that refuses to believe any of it. I don't know how I'll ever be able to get rid of it.

But when there is good news, there is always bad news. I'm slowly losing this fight. I know I said that Natsu was helping in my dreams, and he is. But Umidjon is seriously damaging me. The only motivation I have in the mornings to get out of bed is Fairy Tail, like if I didn't have them I would probably wither away to nothingness. Sometimes, I give up all hope of ever getting rid of this constant voice in the back of my mind, or the terrible nightmares that plague my dreams. I don't know what to do. I feel like Umidjon is slowly taking over my mind. I think Natsu notices what's happening to me sometimes, but he hasn't tried to talk to me about it. What would he say? 'I'm sorry you feel that way, I'll try to make it more obvious that I love you?' That won't help me. It will only make me feel guiltier. All I want is for everyone to treat me normally again.

We're at an impasse, Umidjon and I. He can't completely destroy my will, but he can crush it until I can barely feel it at all. I can't destroy him. We are at a standstill. It's like the eye of a hurricane. The messy part so far was getting through to the center. Any moment, we could be plunged into the storm once again.

I've made up my mind. I'm going to sneak out tonight (and yes, I have to sneak out or else Natsu will insist on coming with me) and go back to Acalypha. I'm hoping that if I talk to papa, I'll be able to get some kind of closure and at least stop worrying about what Umidjon says about you both.

More than ever, I wish you were here right now. I hope what Umidjon has said isn't true; that your death wasn't my fault. If it was, I am so sorry. I can never make up for what I could have done to you. Wish me luck.

~Lucy

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My door creaked quietly as I looked over my shoulder to make sure it didn't wake anyone up. Natsu still snored on my bed. Happy murmured something about fish in his sleep. I breathed a sigh of relief and continued down the creaky stairs and onto the deserted sidewalk. I ran for as long as I could, until my chest hurt. I wanted to get to Acalypha as soon as possible and finish up quickly. Trains to the town only ran once a day, so walking was the best option. It would only take a few hours to get there. Hopefully Natsu won't worry too much. I left him a note that said I'd be back soon, and to not panic.