Until I Fell Asleep

Let Go

My eyes were focused on the flickering of one of the candles that dimly lit the bedroom. Every now and then, my vision would grow hazy, and my breathing would become labored, but I didn't mind. It felt only natural, fading away. My youth had long passed, my hair was white, and my body was nearly expired. I was hardly aware of anything around me, I was so tired, so much so that this life was beginning to feel like a mere illusion. My eyes were nearly sealed shut once more when I felt the faint touch of someone stroking my forearm.

I weakly turned my head to see Dis smiling at me sadly. "How are you today, brother?" she asked. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. It was as if my breath had caught up with my voice, and what was supposed to be an answer came out to be an exhale. Instead, I only looked at my little sister, trying to say with my eyes what I couldn't with my voice.

Her smile widened, and I faintly saw the glistening of tears in her eyes. Though she was not young anymore, though there was more grey than black running through her locks, I still saw the sweet, innocent little Dwarfling who always put a smile on my face. I nearly frowned at the thought that I soon wouldn't be with her, but I was calmed by the fact that she wouldn't be far behind me. We would be together again soon.

"The healers tell me they're surprised that you've hung on for this long. I guess some things never do change. You're still a stubborn arse." she snorted. I felt my lips forming into a small smile at that. Dis then gave a sigh and took my hand in hers. "You don't have to keep hanging on, Thorin. I know that you've never liked letting go...but you need not be afraid. You're going somewhere better than this earth ever was, and I know everyone's anxiously waiting for you."

It was true, I wasn't sure if I did want to let go. Too many times in this life, I had been thrown out into the unknown, and too many times had I been forced to let go of those I wanted kept close to me. But I'd be going to them now. I'd be going to all of them. My family, my friends, and my...Mahal, I could actually feel my heart beating and my eyes burning at the thought of seeing my little Elf again. It had been so many years that I was convinced I would never see her again...especially after Bilbo passed. He had taken that last bit of Nemirien's light with him, and the world only seemed to look that much dimmer in my eyes.

Dis must have sensed my thoughts, because her first tears began to fall as she bent down to kiss my cheek. "You'll see them again, Thorin. And you will never have to let go again." she assured me. My vision began to go once again, and it suddenly felt like my chest was sinking into me. I was fighting now, fighting to have air enter my lungs. I could hardly feel Dis stroking my arm once more, trying to keep me calm.

"Shh, don't fight anymore Thorin. It's going to be alright, just let go." she finally choked, and I only longed to comfort her as her soft cries filled the room. My dear little sister, who still managed to find her smile once more. "Go on now, brother. You've kept her waiting long enough." Dis began to run her fingers through my hair, and I began to feel my eyelids growing heavy. "Don't worry, I'll stay right here until you fall asleep."

I closed my eyes at that, but the burning sensation in my eyes still didn't cease. I felt one single tear running down my cheek. That was her last request. Nemirien...it was the last thing she ever asked of me. To stay with her until she fell asleep...until it was over. And stay with her I had, I still remember holding her tiny, broken body in my arms as she breathed her last. I still remember witnessing the light fading from her beautiful eyes. My little girl had fallen asleep. And now I would do the same. I was ready. I didn't open my eyes again, it was too hard. My body was numb, and my ears were deaf as I felt my memories fading, and the next thing I knew, I was drowning in the void.

...

It surprised me, how easy it was to blink. Fresh air entered my lungs before I even knew it was happening. I took in my surroundings, everything was so bright. The atmosphere came into focus, and I found myself standing in the halls of a grand palace. I felt so light, as if the burdens of my life had never even been placed on my shoulders. I looked down at myself, and saw that I was clad in royal blue, and I smiled as I ran a hand through my black, wavy hair. I felt completely restored.

I looked up again, as I had heard voices for the first time in this place. I hardly had time to breathe as I felt myself being tackled to the ground. I blinked once more at the sound of laughing, and I gasped. On their knees, looking down at me, were Fili and Kili. My beloved nephews. I let out a laugh as I wrapped an arm around each of them. They were really here. Before I could say anything, something else caught my eye. Standing a few yards from me were...no. I saw my father and grandfather, both in their prime, smiling down at me and my nephews. They both gave me a nod, as if they were telling me we'd speak later. I looked back at Fili and Kili, who gave me knowing looks.

"What took you so long, uncle?" Kili asked cheekily.

"Isn't it obvious, brother? He doesn't want to surrender to anything, not even death." Fili chimed in. I couldn't help but laugh once more as I ruffled their hair, the way I did when they were children. "Come on, Kili, we're not the only ones who've been waiting." Fili said, and with that, the two of them got up and walked in the direction of my father and grandfather before I could call them back. I didn't want them to go. It had been so long since I'd seen them, how could they just walk away? Before I could go after them, I heard someone clearing their throat behind me.

I turned around and felt a sting in my eye. My former burglar, Bilbo Baggins, looking as respectable as ever. I didn't even hesitate to pull him into my embrace as I smiled from ear to ear. "It's good to see you, Thorin." Bilbo smiled.

"It has been too long, my friend."

The Hobbit laughed at that. "Well it's the last time that'll ever happen, isn't it?" he asked. I chuckled, and shook my head. He certainly hadn't lost his cheeky demeanor, and I suppose I have Mahal to thank for that. I then narrowed my eyes, as Bilbo looked behind him and gave me a knowing look. "I think you should get going. There's still someone who's been waiting for you."

At that, I looked in the direction where Bilbo was glancing, and I nearly fell to my knees. There she was, patiently waiting for me. My little Elf, who looked exactly as I remembered her. Though her size was smaller than that of a Hobbit, Nemirien stood tall and proud. Her golden, wavy yellow locks were flowing over her shoulders. And her eyes...her dark purple eyes were sparkling with tears as she smiled at me.

I felt a sting in my eye, and gave her a smile, and I felt my body beginning to tremble when she began to run towards me. I finally broke when she jumped into my arms, and I buried my face in her hair as she cried against my shoulder. She was here. This was real. My precious little Elf was in my arms again, and I felt like I could hold her tight for the rest of this eternity without once putting her down.

"Thorin!" Nemirien looked up at me as her tears continued to flow. "I told you I would be homesick for you." she wept.

"Oh my sweet." I pulled her back into me and began to stroke her hair. "I'm so sorry I kept you waiting." I felt Nemirien bury her face into my shoulder, and she held me tighter as she breathed deeply to calm down. "I missed you so much, my sweet. My little girl." I whispered. Nemirien wiped her face and smiled at me.

"Thank you for coming back to me."

I smiled back and kissed her forehead. "Always. I made you a promise, remember? I will never leave you."

My little Elf nodded and even giggled a little as I finally put her down. "Can you promise me something else?" she asked. I raised my eyebrows, waiting for what she had in mind. "Promise to forgive me." she said. I narrowed my eyes at that.

"For what? What could you possibly have-" Before I could finish, I felt my face being splashed with what felt like a bucket full of water. I wiped my face and eyed Nemirien, who'd just put her hands behind her back and was looking away from me innocently.

When she finally looked back to meet my eyes, that was when she squealed and ran away as I charged for her. I laughed as I ran, knowing that I was finally home, knowing that this would be the first of many chases that I would have with my little Elf. And I only ran faster, because even though I had the rest of eternity, I still couldn't wait to scoop Nemirien up in my arms yet again, and behold all the life and love she held in her dark purple eyes.