The day has fallen into a cloudy night before I was able to step out of my car, behind one which looked so familiar but I couldn't pinpoint. I check my phone one more time. Begging and pleading at the scream for a text, a call, a like on my Instagram page or even him to come outside. But no, I remain standing idle out side his home re-reading his last message: I'm going to sleep.. night love you.
There's a difference in his tone. The way his didn't admit the "I" in the words that were supposed to mean so much. Those lazy terms he used are just not the same, not because they are over text message. That's all I could think about as I open my door and close it quietly making sure not to wake any of the neighbors. What have I don't wrong? I ask myself as I grow enough balls to knock.
Don't do this
Go home
Sleep on it
You don't need this tonight.
I push my thoughts away as I bang my fists softly on his door. I wait patiently while contemplating on walking away. But I don't. Not because I decided against it, but because before I can walk away his face came into view trough the little opening he granted. My hopes have risen and all my bad thoughts disappear.. well some of them did. I needed to talk to him, I needed to talk to someone. I couldn't hold all of this in.
"Eritrea, What are you doing here?" Eritrea? When did he ever call me by that name? Memories of the moment we met comes to my mind, when he vowed to never call me that because of how much I hated it. His voice is deeper than usual. As he opens the door I find his hair messy and knotted. He's shirtless and in his boxers. A sight for my sore eyes. All of me wanted to just rush into his arms and have him to hold me. But I don't. Because there's a voice in the back of my mind telling me I'm missing something big, so much has happened this night I can't think of anything else. I don't believe I can handle it.
"I uh I just really n- I'm sorry if yo-
"Mason wha- oh my god."
My heart feels like cement as it fall straight through my body, and breaking the remaining piece I have into millions of shreds. My lungs feel out of air and it become difficult trying to catch my breath. There she stands. In pink lingerie with fear written across her expressions. My eyes drive over to mason to see that he has the same expression. What is hap- wha happ- why d- did they? Did he? She? They both- I couldn't form a coherent though or even words to express and explain what I'm positive what just happened. Instead of talking I begin waking into my packed car.
"No"
"Carter stop!"
Their voice aren't audible over my thoughts that are rushing back to me, everything. Along with tears that begin to pool my eyes. I had just caught my best friend and my boyfriend together, in a way I never thought of. I still had no words. Eventually, I make it to my car in one piece. But before i get in I take one more look at the two people I needed most in a time like this. They stare at me scared and full of regret. Good.
"I'm so sorry." They tell me in unison. I know they are. And I hope they remember that. I get into my car. I look over to my passenger seat to see three tickets to a new country and a letter that reads, I'm sorry to inform you, Eritrea Carter Harper I regret to inform you that you're result for Extragonadal Germ Cell Tumors and come positive. Please contact your doctor and the nearest cancer society to learn more.
I look over to the people who are supposed to help me cope with this, tears streaming their eyes, back the The papers in my seat and then the road. I start my car and back out. Knowing this will be the last time I see them ever again.
