soft hearts. (s.u)

tweleve.

i traveled down the hallway and turned my head away from greta,
not being able to stifle my laughter from a vulgar richie tozier joke.
"quarry today?"
ben asked with a book i had recommended in his hand.
i smiled at the gesture and nodded in agreement,
"yeah, i'll be there."
"see you there, losers,"
eddie spoke before parting ways.
i smiled at the nickname,
and suddenly felt like i belonged in this world.
i was no longer alone,
and this realization was near euphoria.
"hey, lucy,"
i smiled at the girl before me,
noticing her lips turn into a small,
but nervous,
smile.
"how's your day been?"
i continued with a turn to my head,
wondering why she was avoiding conversation when she loved to talk.
"kim said i cant talk to you anymore."
she quickly informed,
making me laugh.
"why am i not surprised that the first thing she does is make everyone ignore me? yeah, that's classy. you should really chose better friends, you know. kimberly was the reason simon left you."
i chuckled without humor,
then realized just how hypocritical i sounded.
and then i began to wonder:
why am i so angry?
"so what, are you gonna listen to her?"
i questioned with a certain attitude ringing in my tone.
she nodded her head in answer to my question,
and i knew then that i had lost it all.
"yeah. good luck. you'll be fucking brain dead by the time you're twenty-five. you're all idiots!"
i hurried off,
looking down at my feet to avoid everyone's eyes.
i found my locker and hurried to open it,
though my hands were much too shaky to focus.
i tried and tried again,
but i only failed and made me angry.
i slammed the heel of my hand into the locker and groaned aloud,
soon hearing light footsteps behind me.
"you okay?"
i hurried to find serenity in stanley's eyes,
but i only found myself growing agitated.
"yeah, fine."
"do...you want to skip?"
i couldn't help but laugh shockingly,
"you? skipping class? who are you and what have you done with stanley uris?"
he rolled his eyes playfully before lacing my hand with his,
"ha ha,"
he mocked,
"come on, let's go."
any shred of doubt, anger, and irritation was soon whisked away from my body as my hand locked with his.
this thumb caressed my own and i felt the chills run throughout,
"i never thanked you for letting me come around,"
i spoke as we walked along the sidewalk,
the wind whipping our hair around.
"no need. i...i missed you, y/n."
"i missed you too, stan. more than you know."
***
stanley sat beside me with our feet in the water of the quarry,
listening to the loud laughs and taunts of the boys around us.
i leaned my head to stanley's sun kissed, warm shoulder and sighed contently.
"this is the life, huh?"
"oh, yeah. add this and a little pizza, makes for the perfect life."
stanley and i laughed a little before he looked down at me.
his eyes were sweet and sent me into a puddle of nerves.
stanley slowly brought his hand near my cheek and brushed a strand of hair away to tuck it behind my ear.
i couldn't avoid the blush in my cheeks any longer,
and the smile against my lips was giddy with excitement.
"why are you staring at me like that?"
i asked innocently.
"i'm...admiring you."
"oh! really?"
i teased and nudged his shoulder jokingly.
he let out a quiet laugh,
"can you blame me?"
"hey, hey! lovebirds! get up off your ass and let's play!"
richie called out from afar.
stanley and i got up from our seat on the rocks,
and began climbing into the warmed water to join in a game.
i found myself climbing back onto stanley's shoulders to face bill on top of richie's shoulders.
"god, you guys are reckless!"
eddie groaned from beside us.
i giggled and swallowed the butterflies in my throat from the grip of stanley's hands to my thighs again.
after another minute or so of constant pushing of one another,
bill left himself open and i pushed him back into the water.
"yeah!"
stanley and i celebrated with a loud laugh.
"bullshit! you two become friends again and suddenly work so well together?"
"teamwork makes the dream work, love,"
i teased and threw my fist in the air as stanley paraded us around.
"alright, who's next?"
"mike! get your buff ass over here! we're taking them down."
richie struggled to climb on top of mike's shoulders,
but once he settled,
our game began.
after a while of struggling against one another,
i could feel stanley's strain against my legs.
if i didn't hurry,
stanley was soon to give up.
"oh my god, look! it's pam macy!"
i gasped and pointed behind richie,
watching his head quickly turn to catch eye of the girl.
i took the time to take his blind spot to my advantage,
and i swiftly pushed him back and into the water.
"oh, yeah!"
i laughed loudly,
hurrying down from stanley's shoulders.
richie came back up from under the water and wiped his face clean,
showing me just how upset he was.
"oh, great! so you're a manipulative bitch and a cheater?! pick a struggle!"
he yelled with clenched fists.
my smile faltered,
"is..is that how all of you feel?"
i questioned.
i felt the horror strike itself within the depths of me as all the boys avoided eye contact,
and certainly didn't say another word to me.
their quietness was enough to confirm my longtime worries.
stanley sent a small wave of water towards me in an attempt to lighten the mood,
"no, y/n. none of us look at you that way. you're still the y/n i know. richie's just a sore loser, you know this."
he smiled ever so brightly.
"yeah....it's fine, really."
i nodded with a shrug,
soon walking myself out of the waters quite awkwardly.
i began to regret ever coming down here.
and for a split second,
i began to regret ever befriending them as a whole.
no matter how hard i tried to avoid it,
they would always see me as this cruel bitch.
i know i had brought it upon myself,
but i wanted to change.
i wanted to be good enough for them.
"y/n, wait!"
stanley yelled out,
but i ignored it and continued walking.
i didn't want to see any of them now,
especially since my eyes were flooding with tears.
"y/n, stop!"
stanley yelled once more,
suddenly running to catch up with me.
he laid his hand to my shoulder and turned me around,
making me quick to sniffle.
"yeah?"
"you okay?"
"yeah, stan. i'm fine."
i shrugged with now crossed arms,
avoiding his eyes and letting my teeth pull at my bottom lip.
stanley squinted his eyes and cocked his head to the side as though he could see through me,
and see through this charade i was playing.
"can i please go now? i'm fine...i don't care."
"i don't know why you act so hard, y/n. i know who you are inside. you're such a perfect girl with a soft heart."
stanley spoke,
his voice cracking lightly at the frustration of it all.
my heart began to race at the sounds of those words coming out of stanley's mouth,
"i don't know, stanley. i don't think that's who i am anymore."