Love, a Four Letter Word

Decide, a Six Letter Word

 Decide, a six letter word. A verb. A "D" word, that has five possible definitions.

We've been going out for a while now and I could tell in the way her face lit up every time she would get in my car ready for another amazing night out, that she was eager to be more than whatever we were then.

After coming home from another wonderful night out with her I went straight to my room, laid on my bed with a blank feeling over me. I had to decide if I was ready. I laid there thinking about what could be in store for us.

We had gotten into deeper conversations, more about her struggles and her past. Hearing her talk about all the pain she was in and how much saving she needed, made me wonder if I really wanted to love and be in a relationship with her. My heart said I loved her but my brain said otherwise.

I wanted to be there for her because I truly loved her. I realized I loved her more than before. But as my love grew so did my concern for her health. If I stayed with her and made us more than we were right now, would I help her mentally or make her feel worse if something ever did happen to us.

I wanted what was best for her. She might have thought this is what was best but that was then, what if in the future I would have fallen out of love and left her heartbroken. Would that have helped her mentally?

With a slight groan that escaped my mouth I turned over in bed. My clock that sat on my nightstand read 8:30 pm. I got my lazy self up out of bed and made my way downstairs, grabbed my jacket and put my shoes back on. I thought it would be good to go for a walk and get my head straight. But little did I know I should have just stayed inside.

As I opened my front door and stepped outside the chilly air hit my face. My hair blew with the usual wind an October night brings. The world around me was all gloomy and dark. The air was think and heavy to breath. There was not much cars driving by bringing only the noise of shoppers and children laughing as they ran the streets. I leaned my head down watching as I kicked the crumbled up leaves flying in the wind.

"Simon?" A familiar voice called my name from behind me.

I turned around and saw the woman I hadn't seen in a long time, "Clary?"

She rushed towards me with a wide smile plastered on her face.

"I haven't seen you in forever." She through her arms around me giving a tight squeeze.

I slightly chuckled and pulled her away.

She kept her hands on my arm, "why so down?"

"I-I'm not, I just have a lot on my mind."

"What about?" She asked as if she had all the rights to know about my personal life again. She did at one point, but that was many many years ago. But even then she messed that up, why would I let her in my life again?

I shook my head as I didn't want her knowing what was going through my mind.

"Oh, would it be better over a cup of coffee?"

I totally blank out of what she was saying, I could still hear her but her voice was muffled. My mind went straight back to what I was thinking about earlier.

I nodded my head, even though I knew completely none of the words that just came out of her mouth.

I looked back at her smiling face, wondering what she was smiling about, "Great I'll see you at the coffee shop we used to go to, 10 am tomorrow." She stopped talking causing me to look up. She was now about two feet away.

I thought about what she said, it still didn't sink in. Did I say something to make her leave? What did she say. Thinking for a minute I remember her saying something about Coffee? Ten am? Where we always meet?

Did I just agree to go on a date with my ex?

"Wait Clary." I yelled, but it was no hope, she was now father away and couldn't hear me yelling,

I take a deep breath.

 What did I just get myself into. 

No spell check eek.