The Realest Bar.

"Gosh dangit. Damn puddle."

"You open?"

"Come'on, just don't slip, since I ain't got money to pay you if ya did."

"You gotta do somethin' about that door. More water is in here than out there."

"I ain't never seen you before, and normally that ain't a good thing but since you started with complainin' then I take it you didn't come to stick me up."

"Stick ya up? First off I'd have bet you were closed, second no good crook would waste their time tryin' to get somethin' from a place like this, 'specially on a night like tonight."

"Mister, with the sass comin' outta your mouth before you even told me whatya drinkin' this very well could be both your first and last visit to my establishment. So before you go to jawin' again, why not tell me what it is you going to be havin'?"

"Well on 'count that I'm going back out there, let me just stick to whateva it is you have coming out on draft..."

"Easy enough, gimme a sec though, gonna grab you a mug from the fridge."

"A frozen mug? Is that to make sure I don't notice how piss poor tastin' the actual brew is?"

"Nope, honey. Not at all. It's to numb your face after I smack you for keepin' up your mouth runnin' ways."

"Oh, oh, that mouth and that delivery. This is the hospitality I've heard so much 'bout in these parts."

"Here, take your beer and then tell me what else you heard about regardin' these here parts."

"Well, my grandpappy and some great aunts all hailed from 'round here, but grandpappy moved off when he left for the war, and well, we never did more than come by for a funeral and maybe a holiday or two when I was younger, but ma'am the stories that they'd tell, ha, almost made life in the city seem too tame..."

"What was their names?"

"...Speakin' of tame, where is all your customers at?"

"My customers? Most are too broke to come out towards the end of the month and the ones that ain't are too smart to be drivin' 'round in this storm. In fact, why are you out in it?"

"Well, that is a good question. A great question actually. And if I had an answer half as good as the question, I'd be obliged to bestow it on ya. Howeva, since I don't, I can't"

"You want a shot with that beer of yours?"

"On the house?"

"No, not on the house, 'specially not for some strange stranger, running around out in a downpour, comin' in here and makin' my bar a mess."

"Fine, now you done guilted me into payin' for one. I'd ask what you got up top, but since you have one shelf total, I'll take whateva bourbon you got back there."

"Here you go."

"You takin' one too?"

"Do I look 25 to you? I'm smart enough not to drink my profits away, and doubly smart enough not to be downin' liquor with the likes of your kind."

"My kind?"

"Yeah, Your kind. You still ain't managed to give me a straight answer to anything. In fact, no more to drink til you pay for what I've already poured ya."

"But, well, but I should well be insulted! We may as well be kin."

"Be insulted all you want, after you hand me cash money for that beer and whiskey."