"My Bygone Anxiety"

"Everything happens for a reason". These five words crept into my mind that triggered it to question nonstop. Until one question made me question all the misfortunes that I've been through. That, what if some people can't clasp the reality? A reality wherein every time you envision about it, thousand pieces of your heart fall apart. It's like a living person but totally dead inside, It's like dying a million times, It's like getting numb, It's like, I've gotten numb. "This is a story about me and a girl curdled my life and filled the blank in my heart. But then, she left, those blanks she filled totally broke me. Those happy endings are only found in fairytales, not in real life. Not, in this world"

"Blog!! Blooog!!" That vexatious cacophony filled the entire house.

Is that my pet? Ohh, I forgot, I don't have pet. Must my mom and dad, acting dogs and cats, again. Its normal. So normal.

I don't want to witness another world war... I let my feet takes me out of my house. Then, I stopped. My feet led me to an edifice. An abandoned edifice. There, I spent my time to let the music eat away all my problems in life. A music produced by the birds beyond the forest and the luminous sky. That is the crammed with stars. It all helped me to dock my suffering.

With the music's beat in my headphones, I finally have my own world. Then suddenly, " Ouch!". Something or someone whacked my head. Argghhh! The hell! "Who are you?". I heard someone's asking in a dulcently voice, while my head is still in searing pain.

"Why'd you do that?!", I asked while trying to calm my self out.

"Im so sorry! I thought you were a monster", she said while bowing her head back and forth that made her look stupid. "Pfffttt.. HAHAHA!". I can't surpress my laugh anymore. Then she started, laughing with me, that made her look more stupid. I stopped laughing and started staring at her.

"Damn, she's hot", I said to myself.

"What? Are saying something?", she asked.

"Nothing", i said in an emotionless voice and face. She didn't mind it though.

She started our conversation. She asked my name, and I answered her. Then I asked her's too. While she is talking, the ambience of the edifice suddenly changed. My ears went deaf, and all I see is her. I imagined her dancing, while holding my hands to support her. Then there's music in the background, making us dance for more.

My God. I'm so ambitious. But who wouldn't? Sparkling eyes, fulgent teeth,pointed nose and cherry lips. She's perfect. Any man would want to marry her in the first sight. I think, this is what they call, love at first sight. No.... maybe.. uhmmm.. Love at first hit. She's a little bit of a sadist.

"Why are you here?", she asked me

"To escape", I answered

"From what?", she asked again.

"All the predicaments in my life. Im so tired from those", I answered while trying to hide my face in my knees. I opened up to her. I told her all my problems as she listens to me, attentively. Those somber in my heart obtude. These festive feelings filled and completed me.

I think I need her. No, I need her. I want her. And I love her. Her smile, her laugh, her eyes, and her voice, it's so limpid in my heart that she is the one that will give me a family. A home.

No, wait. I dont know anything about her, besides her name. What if she's taken? My mouth forgo. There's so many questions and words that i want to ask and say to her, and I don't know why.
"I need to go", she said while smiling at me.
"See you tomorrow", i said while smiling too.

And after that day, we always meet. There is no day that we don't see each other. And because of our incessant meeting, I've found out that she's the missing piece of me. She completed the void that I've been searching all my life. And because of that a part of me needs her. A part of me, wants her. But what if one day, she'll be gone and will never come back? What if she'll leave me? I know that nothing lasts forever and everything changes. But I hope that it wouldn't happen. And those redoubtable, terror of me happened.

One day we met again on our meeting place. I thought it will be another special day for us, but it turns out, it was not. She said that she'll be studying in a prestigious university in the city. And said that she will be leaving tomorrow.
"why?", I asked her "My mother forced me to go. I don't have a choice. She said that if I don't go, she'll marry me to a rich guy so that she'll have a use of me" she said while sobbing.
So i hugged her, thinking that it will lessen her pain. "okay, I understand. But you'll come back for me, right?" I asked her again while silently praying that she will. "I don't know. Mother said that after college, they'll be sending me to US to lead our company there", she said while tears trickled down to her cheeks. Those words broke my heart into pieces.

WHY? Why did God gave me her, if right from the start He's already planning to take her back? Why did I even met her, if she will relinquished me all our riant moment.

Now I strongly believe that forever is just a word. People are stupid to believe in that. Everything is just temporary. Everything, has an end. I will definitely miss her. I will miss her smile, her laugh, her stupid jokes that always made me laugh not because of the joke but because of the way she deliver it. And her funny face when she tries to look cute. Everything about her, I'll surely miss it. Time passed by so fast. Before I knew it, days becomes weeks, weeks becomes months, and months turns into years.

But here I am, still hoping and waiting that she'll return to the place where we first met. The place where our bygone anxiety happened