Undetermined

Chapter 14

"What's Parker got to do with anything?" I ask bluntly after shaking off the dark memory.

"After he died.. the connection was severed." She says cryptically.

I frown at Brenda and grit my teeth, irritation hitting me with such impact I started to feel sick and dizzy.
"Tell me everything." I demand, the anger still flowing throughout my body, waiting just beneath the surface to pounce.

"Parker had contact with your real father." She then paused and anxiously and looks at me. "Parker met up with him before he died."
Her eyes glaze with pain and I realise Brenda may have lied to me my whole life, but she still lost her husband.

I stare at the table as the anger fizzles out before diminishing completely, instead, a cold and hollow feeling replaced it deep within my chest. Sadness laced with pain began weaving itself through my body at the random memories I was suddenly revisiting before Parker's death.
"Who's my father, Brenda? Who is it?" I plead desperately, too tired and worn out to snap at her.

She grimaces and looks at the wall behind my head for a few seconds before slowly dragging her gaze back to mine.
"I don't know." She whispers, "Parker was going to tell me that night. The very night he died."

My heart clenches and my throat closes.
Even though he was never my real father, he was the closest thing I had.
He was still my dad.

I grit my teeth and nod.
"So what do you know then, Brenda?" She flinches at her name but waits for me to continue, "Who's my real mother then? How did you take me in? What even happened? Do I have any siblings?"

She chews on her lip and suddenly looks very tired and old.
"James will always be your brother." I flinch as she says that, pain tears my heart at the thought of James not really being my brother.
I'll always love him like my own, I vow to myself.

I quietly stare at her.
"I don't know who your real mother is either." She says with a frown, "all I know is, when Parker and I had moved here after finishing College, a baby wrapped in a silver blanket was placed on our doorsteps a few years after Parker and I married."

I let out my breath slowly.
"So my real mother ditched me then?" Bitterness laces my tone.

"I- I don't know. It's probably more complicated than if she wanted you or not, most of the time for adopted children, it's about if she could look after you or not" Brenda says with a sigh.

"Why did you take me in?"

She shrugs.
"Because even if you don't believe me, I couldn't leave you there, you were so beautiful and fragile. I would've had to have no heart to say no to you. Besides, Parker would've gone berserk if I considered giving you back, he fell in love with you at first glance." She says with a small smile.

My eyes automatically fall onto the picture hanging on the wall behind Brenda.
Brenda, Parker and I were at a circus.
I was holding a huge stick of cotton candy whilst a large grin ate my face at the age of 8.
Brenda and Parker were at either side of me, grins larger than the world it self occupied their faces. My bottom lip trembles uncontrollably as I struggle to grasp control over my emotions again. My throat suddenly closes in on itself and a huge lump begins to form right in the very centre.

Those were the happy times, I thought to myself as a tear drop slipped out of my eye.
I love you, Daddy. I will always miss you.