Young Love {S.M}

Chapter 20

I walked in and sat beside him. He turned to me.

"Ansen?"

"Yeah Shawn?"

"What was all of that about?"

I looked down at my lap.

"There's something I need to tell you."

He grabbed my hand. I looked into his eyes, they were full of fear, anger, and sorrow.

"It's okay Ansen you can tell me." His words calmed me. Shawn had a way of doing that, calming me. He had a way of making me feel safe and secure.

"You know that day I chased after Cameron and I didn't get home till later than night?" He nodded his head, slightly confused at where this was going.

"Well when I caught up to Cam he told me that he didn't like seeing me hurt, when you know, Lauren did what she did." He frowned, nodding his head sorrowfully. That was a horrible time for the both of us, and I hate to bring it up, but I have to be able to explain.

"He told me he hated to see me so hurt, that it hurt him, he said he never wanted to see me like that again. He practically confessed to me that he cared about me...a lot, but I didn't want to think to much about it, so I didn't." I paused taking a breath. I didn't realize how much I kept this inside, how bottled up this was. I never really realized how confused I actually am.

"Then you know what happened in there, h-he told you that you were lucky to have me. He told you that any guy would be happy to have me. Did that include him?" I realized what I said as Shawn let go of my hand. I looked at him and he was thinking, hard.

"Shawn?"

"Wait a minute." I nodded.

I don't know what to expect from Shawn right now. He knows me better than I know myself, he knows when something is up. He know when I'm hiding something. I don't know how this is going to go.

"Ansen..." He said getting my attention. He grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers. I smiled at his actions.

"I can see that Cam cares for you. I know you love me, but I know you care for him a lot too."

Oh no, oh no. I shook my head vigorously, as tears came to my eyes. I didn't like where this was going.

"No Shawn. No."

"Calm down darling, just let me finish." I nodded and let him proceed.

"I know you two care for each other, and I know you are confused right now, so that is why I suggest that we take a break." My heart broke a little more with every word he said.

"You need to figure out what you want Ansen. I'm not mad, I understand because I've been there. Just know that I know that I made the right choice choosing you, but if I'm not what makes you completely happy I'm willing to do anything to change it and make you happy. But that doesn't mean I won't fight for you, because that's exactly what I'm going to do. I will fight for you and stand by your side. And if you choose him I will understand and I won't be mad, I'll be happy because you'll be happy. I love you Ansen."

He gave me one last kiss as he walked out of the limo and to the other guys inside.

Before he left I looked into his eyes. I saw the pain I caused him. I saw the hurt. I broke his heart, and all he ever did was love me. Why am I so stupid?

He didn't even let me get a word in. Every word was like a knife stabbing away at my heart. It wasn't him who hurt me though. I hurt myself by not knowing what I wanted, by being selfish. I was selfish by keeping everything bottled up, thinking I was saving them the hurt, but I was only saving my self the pain...at least preventing it for a while. And I regret it all, but even now I still don't know what I want.

You think hiding your feelings saves you from conflict, but it only brings you more pain than you would ever think.