The war is waging inside
Another round of fighting tonight
It's clawing at every inch of my body, trying to get out
I make myself lay back down, tell it to settle down
But it feels like I'm on fire
Like it's carving away at pieces of my soul
Making me walk on a wire
My hands are shaking, it's uncontrollable
Trying to just breath
But it isn't working
The shaking is spreading down to my legs
Up through my shoulders and into my head
My hands are clammy
And my chest is tight
My stomach is rolling
And I just might -
I might be sick
I feel the tears prick
At the corners of my eyes
Hot enough to make my skin fry
Like someone boiled them first
Then poured them over my bare skin
The burning's the worst
Like some cruel form of revenge
More damage than a third degree done
It feels like someone is reaching down my throat while punching my stomach
And afterward, I just want to sleep
But I'm still getting grief
I try to relax it away
But I'm terrified, can't you tell
Why am I so afraid
Because I just described Hell
My inward screams leave my throat raw
It pierces my joy with its poisonous jaw
It hurts so bad
It's driving me mad
To the point of insanity
Got a death grip on my hand
Leading me toward calamity
Burying me alive in quicksand
Don't have the strength to fight back
My vision has started to go black
My limbs have turned to jello
Is there any way to escape, well, no
Not really
If there were
Don't you think I would have tried it already
The good days pass by in a blur
But the bad ones drag it out
Feels like I can never get out
Nope
And I've already reached the end of my rope
But since I cannot physically leave myself
I'm caught in a never ending freefall
In a downward spiral's dizzying spell
Limp like an old rag doll
I lay my head back on my pillow
My stomach still creeps into my throat
Close my eyes, try to put my mind on something else
To calm down my racing pulse
Can someone turn down the sun
And get the air moving, please
Turn it up
'Cuz the heat never helps anything
I breathe the fresh air in
And for a moment have hope again
I feel it travel through every inch of my bloodstream
Cooling me down, offering relief
And then the moment passes
I'm back to fidgeting
My brain gives a warning and it flashes
Zapping my internal wiring
My stomach's back to creeping into my throat
And I'm doing my best not to choke
Trying to act like I'm fine
And carry a normal conversation
Sometimes I succeed
Sometimes I do not
Have I had many victories
I don't know, I forgot
All I can see are the times I've lost
I've tried to paint them over with gloss
But they're my biggest downfall
They hold me back most of all
No matter how hard I try to get free
I'm still chained to this demon
It's hard for me
'Cuz I just want to live a normal life, be a normal person
But that feels like a far off dream
Constantly taunting me
Running me through, burning me out
Telling me I should forget about
Any type of normalcy
Any real life experience
End of the story
Beginning of the sentence
I have to take each day one at a time
And keep feeding myself the same lines
Keep calling on the same Name
Right up until the end of the day
