Love and Hamburgers [Rick and Liz Saga, Season 1]

[S01E15] "Goodnight, Denver"

When they got back to the house, everyone was drunk. After a blunt and finishing the rest of the beer in the fridge, the four of them could barely stand up.

"Alright," said Mandy grabbing 2Fly by the arm, "time for bed." She pulled 2Fly into his room. "You two enjoy yourselves," she said to Rick and Liz before disappearing behind the door.

Liz took Rick by the hand.

"Come on," she said and led him into Mandy's bedroom.

Once inside, she took out a twenty-dollar bill and held it up in front of his face.

"Thanks," said Rick, "But you don't need to pay me to sleep with you."

Liz crumpled up the bill in her fist and slugged Rick in the arm.

"Ow!" Cried Rick, "If I wasn't so drunk, that might have hurt."

"It's the twenty dollars I owe you," said Liz.

"Oh right," said Rick, "I totally forgot about that."

He took the crumpled-up bill and tossed it over his shoulder. He put his arms around Liz and began to kiss her. Rick was much stronger than he looked. She wanted to be mad at him, but kissing him felt so good.

"How about we just forget the money and you pay me in kisses instead," said Rick.

Liz slapped him across the face.

"Ow! What did I say now?" Rick asked as he rubbed his cheek with his hand. Even as drunk as he was, he felt that one.

"So, now I'm supposed to be the whore?"

"What? No!" Exclaimed Rick. "I just meant... I didn't mean it like that."

"You're cute, Rick," said Liz, "but your pillow talk needs work."

"I'm sorry?"

Liz wasn't very impressed with his apology, but she was too tired and too drunk to want to deal with it.

"Let's just go to bed, okay?" Liz offered as a compromise. She began going through Mandy's drawers.

"What are you looking for?" Rick asked.

"Pajamas," said Liz.

"Bottom left shelf," said Rick.

"Oh..." said Liz, "Of course you would know that, wouldn't you."

Rick didn't know what to say. Of course he did. He had lived here for almost five years. He had paid for half the house himself. Back when he had money. Back when he was planning on marrying Mandy, before he made it big, before he knew what he really wanted in life.

Liz was changing in the bathroom and Rick didn't have any pajamas. He certainly wasn't going to put on anything in Mandy's drawers. He wasn't going to barrow something from 2Fly either. That's just not something guys do.

Originally he was planning on sleeping naked. He was hoping tonight would have been the night he and Liz "sealed the deal". But, that was not looking to be the situation now. Once again, Rick had managed to ruin it with his big mouth. Sometimes he wished he could just learn to shut up.

It seemed like anytime he had anything good in his life, he turned into some kind of narcissistic jerk, like he was doing the world some sort of favor by simply existing. He hated that. The only way he knew how to stop it was to get rid of everything that made him feel that way. It was the reason he had spent nearly the last two years living in his car, to live a life so spectacularly shitty that even he couldn't be smug about it.

Rick managed to piece together a few things from his bag, a worn out wife beater, a flannel shirt, and a pair of thermal underwear. He looked at himself in Mandy's full size mirror. Staring back at him was an old man, wearing old man clothes. His outfit was as faded as his stardom. He looked like a total dork.

I better get under the sheets before Liz sees me in this ridiculous getup, thought Rick.

Liz came out of the bathroom to find Rick already in bed, but not asleep. He was looking at her sheepishly from under the covers.

"Jesus Christ," said Liz climbing into bed, "get over it already, would ya?"

"I'm sorry," said Rick, a bit more earnestly this time.

"Okay," said Liz, "I forgive you. Can we just go to sleep now?"

"Sure," said Rick, turning off the light.

Rick laid facing the back of Liz's head. The smell of her was driving him crazy. All he wanted to do was to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight, but he figured it was best not to press his luck.

The awkwardness of the two of them lying there, pretending to be comfortable was soon broken by the even more awkward sounds of Mandy and 2Fly having boisterous and verbose intercourse.

"Oh, Daddy! Daddy! Yes, Daddy! Break your little girl!" Mandy could be heard shouting from the other room.

Rick rolled over on to his back and put both hands over his face.

"Oh god..." Rick said muffled into his hands. "Just when things couldn't get weirder..."

Liz started laughing.

Rick couldn't help but laugh too.