I'd like to call this one, my first love, anything I thought that was before that was wrong because nothing has stung as bad as this and nothing has made me higher .
You know how to heal the wounds and rip them open just as fast.
On and Off
and
On
and
Off
and On
and I'm never gonna speak to you again
and I'm wrapped around your finger
and you're a total asshole
and you're my best friend
and I hate you,
and I love you even though you hurt me.
No one has caused me more pain then you have in the past three years, especially the past eight months to be exact.
I've opened up everything about myself to you and you turned the pages delicately and took it in to your pleasing and used it to your advantage.
Everything that would keep me up at night and physically make me ill you could rain down on me with the flip of a switch to on,
and then off.
You always said I'm sorry kay, I love you.
I didn't mean to hurt you,
You're a bitch,you know that?,
I can't believe you did that.
You genuinely made me believe I was the one in the wrong.
That I had broke us,
time after time.
On and off, On and off.
The weed made you worse.
The pills took you away from me.
The drinking was a ploy.
I lost you to myself and to the drugs and to the people you needed to impress.
You were constantly trying to get me to do stuff I wasn't ready for or didn't want me to do. 7 whole months of you begging me to smoke with you or to try lean, but you had to be there.
You screamed out me for seeing my friends .
, but
then it all switched
you didn't want
" my baby"
to get hurt
don't drink anymore kay,
It isn't good for you
Please kay, don't take up smoking , you don't have to be high to have a good time,
Kay, never pop a pill you'll get addicted and it'll ruin you.
Everything that you wanted to force me too switched as soon as I would oblige,
I never did the stuff,
except the drinking because that's the only way I coped with you .
You made me hate everything about myself,
My hair , My smile, My Laugh,you even got on me for
My glitter eyeshadow ?
Yeah.
You also made me love myself each time you called me beautiful.
Or run my fingers through my hair ,
or stop my hand when I tried to fiddle and fall too deep into my thoughts.
You hold everything I want, but give me everything I hate.
The games you play continue to start back up and continue on
and go off once you need someone who actually gives a fuck about you.
All the other girls you lined up to try to get me jealous with who only wanted the attention,
I wasn't only willing,
but did
poor at every ounce of love and care in my heart for you and gave you every part of me that I could .
I've loved you so vividly and made every right choice in your benefit
it's left me broken.
I feel shattered and confused and sick ,
you'll always be my world ,
but you are so so toxic.
I should have listened to my friends,
That you were going to hurt me again,
like last time,
and the time before that,
and the one before that,
and that one time,
and that one too,
oh and that one,
and the first one ,
you do care , just not enough to stop,
You're hurting too,
you portray it differently,
on and off
you'll show signs of it,but,
you do open up,
you don't remember,
but
you did spill it all to me once or twice before.
I locked it away and swore to never tell,
and I kept that promise.
On and off
and on
and off
we've been ,
when will it end?
