Québec & Co.

Monty Python - French Taunting

((I'm actually typing out Québec's accent for this XD))

*Ontario and the other English Provinces approach a castle in Far East Canada*

Ontario: HELLO!

Québec: 'ello! Who iz it?

Ontario: It is King Ethan, and there are my knights of the English Provinces. Who's castle is this?

Québec: Zis iz the castle of my elder, Francis de Bonnefoy.

Ontario: Go and tell ol' Francis that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.

Québec: Well, I'll azk 'im, but I don't zink 'e'll be very keen, 'e's uh...already got one you zee?!

Ontario: ...What?!

Manitoba: She says they've already got one!

Ontario: Are you sure he's got one?

Québec: Oh yes, it's very nice! *leans over to Montreal, who is hiding* I told 'im we've already got one..!

Montreal: *giggles*

Ontario: Well...um...can we come up and have a look?

Québec: Of course not! You are English Provinces!

Ontario: Well what are you then?

Québec: I'm French! Why do you zink I have zis accent, you stupid boy!?

Manitoba: What are you doing in Canada?

Québec: Mind your own business!

Ontario: If you shall not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force!

Québec: You don't frighten me, English pig-dogz! Go and boil your bottoms, sons ov a zilly person! I blow my nose at you so called 'Williams' family, you and all your zilly English Pr- jerks! *makes stupid childish faces*

Manitoba: What a strange person..!

Ontario: Now look here my old frie-

Québec: I do' (Don't) wanna talk to you no more you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! (Couldn't keep up so I took a guess XD) I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elder berries!

Manitoba: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?

Québec: Ah-No. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!

Ontario: Now this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable-

Quebec: Rapporté la vache! (Fetch the cow!)

*the French start launching animals at the English and the English retreat*

~AFTER THE QUEST~

Ontario: God be praised. *kneels down with his sword* All-mighty God, we thank thee that thou hast brought safe to us, the most hol-

*a launching sound is heard and a goat is launched*

Ontario: JESUS CHRIST!

*The goat lands on Yukon*

Québec: 'Ello dirty English Provinces! And Monsieur Ethan Williams who haz ze brain of a duck! So we French fellows have met you a zecond time!

Ontario: How dare you profane this place with your filth! I command you, in the name of the English Provinces of Canada to open the doors of this sacred castle to which God himself has guided us.

Québec: (Skipping a bit cuz I can't understand what he's saying XD) So you zink you could out-clever us French folk with your zilly knees-bent-running-about-advancing behavior! I wave my private parts at your- (And I lost 'im again XD)

Ontario: IN THE NAME OF THE LORD, WE DEMAND ENTRANCE TO THIS SACRED CASTLE!!!!!!!

Québec: No chance, English bed-wetting types. I burst my pimples at you and call your door-opening request a zilly thing, you tiny-brained wipers of ozer people's bottoms!

Ontario: If you do not open this door we shall take this castle by force!

*The French dump...let's say mud on the knights*

Ontario: In the name of God and the glory of our-

*More 'mud'*

Ontario: RIGHT! THAT SETTLES IT! *storms off*

Québec: Yes, depart a lot at zis time, and cut ze approaching any more or we fire arrows at ze tops of your heads and make castanets out of your testicles already! *maniacal laughing* And now, remain gone, illegitimate-faced bugger-folk! And, if you zink you got a nasty taunting zis time, you ain't heard nozing yet, dappy English Provinces! Thpppt!

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Admin: This movie is the best thing that ever happened to me :3 If you haven't seen the entire thing, go watch it XD Monty Python and The Holy Grail is just hilarious in every way possible.

Québec: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SUCK IT ONTARIO!