Unlocked Heart || A Garrence/Mystreet Fanfiction

Chapter Eight

(a/n: cover art by shamshuku_ on Instagram.)

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What do I say? How do I even begin?

Garroth, are you hiding something from me?

The simple answer is yes, I am, but the simple answer is rarely the easiest. That one word, that one little word has such massive implications, implications I'm not sure that I'm ready face. I thought I was, I honestly did, here in the moment, everything is one hundred times more real, one hundred times more scary. I don't think I could deal with the consequences if what I feel is mirrored, let alone if it isn't.

And if it isn't...

Then that would be it, I guess. I don't know what I'd do if there really was nothing felt by him, but I doubt I'd stick around. I don't think I could be in the same city as him, let alone share the same roof.

I'd probably leave Phoenix Drop, maybe take a break for a while. I know Dad has a lodge up North, I guess I could go up there. I haven't been there since I was really little, but it couldn't be that bad, right? It would beat looking Laurence in the eye and knowing he felt nothing. It would beat the twist of the knife in my heart every time I remembered he didn't love me. Though I suppose it would take a lot more than moving to forget that.

I guess I'm basing this plan on the assumption that Laurence doesn't like me in that way. Which I don't know for sure. I don't really know for sure either way.

The question is... Is it right to keep a heart locked in the name of friendship?

I mean, I've kind of been doing that for years already. And it sort of worked, didn't it? I've been best friends with Laurence since, what, Highschool? And now I'm living with the dude - platonically, that is. Very platonically, unfortunately.

But... now that I think about it, it's not like we don't do "domestic" stuff or anything. And, if you look at it in the right way - maybe sideways, squinting your eyes a little - you can kind of see it as a couple-like relationship, with some of the stuff we do. Sort of, just round the edges.

Like the thing we say when we make coffee for each other. I don't see Travis saying that with Dante, or Katelyn saying that for Kawaii~Chan, so it clearly isn't "average best friend" stuff.

Or, how Laurence has always got my back when I'm late. He could have left when Zane did today, avoid the wrath of Aphmau, and left me to deal with the stupid situation I created, but he didn't. He stuck by me, and I wouldn't have got there on time without him. In truth, I may not have got there at all without him.

Or, how we croon over old photos together, laughing about silly memories and all the crazy stuff we did back then.

Or--

My thoughts are interrupted by Laurence's voice. "Garroth? Hello? Earth to Garroth, do you read me?"

I guess I've been silent for a while. All that thinking, it did make me realise... It made me realise that I want to say something to him.

I think so, anyway.

I open my mouth to say something, anything, but... Nothing comes out. I can't just put my lips on auto-pilot, if I'm going to say something I'll need to force it out, get past my stutter and tell him how I feel.

But how do I feel?

I'm not even sure myself, not completely, and if I can't even tell myself then there's no hope that I'll be able to tell Laurence.

"Um... What?" I say, as if I didn't hear or understand the question. We both know I did.

"I said, 'Garroth, are you hiding something from me?'" he repeats, slowly.

I could tell him. I should tell him. It's now or never.

But I don't think it is. Life rarely is a "now or never" situation, because if there's one thing you can always rely on, it's that there will always be another day.

I'm not ready to tell him, not now, in this way, anyway. "Hiding?" I say, trying to steady my voice, so it doesn't sound like I'm about to cry, "Hiding what? What would I be hiding from you?"

There it is again, that slight head tilt, that What the hell is going on with you, Garroth? head tilt. His blue eyes are wide and worried, and light glints off of them, making them look like sapphires. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" His voice is low and gentle, like talking to a frightened animal, but somehow it's still as rich and smooth as ever.

"I wish I could," my voice comes out in a shaky, gruff whisper, "But I can't. Not today."

I wish I could shake the echo of Laurence's voice as I run from the room and upstairs, closing the bedroom door behind me, and collapse onto my bed. I feel hot tears roll, stinging my cheeks, but to be honest I'm surprised I was able to hold it off this long.

You know you can tell me anything, right?

No.

I don't think I can.

Not like this.

There's got to be another way.

Another way.

Another

way.