Get Out Of My Head

You

You. You're so many personas. All clouding up my head. Making me hate every aspect of whom I am. Doesn't matter who you are. Whether you're a best friend, lover, or the guy. You could even be someone I've never even had a full conversation with. You. Don't even say anything but just the mere thought of me screwing up and angering you upsets me. Constantly terrified of you. I'm a burden to everyone even myself. Don't get me wrong you can be a pleasure to have around and I have plenty of happy moments, but I'm sick. Yes. I've met other people sicker than I and I've heard of so many other people who are sicker but no. These....these thoughts. I hate them. I hate that whenever I feel shitty I start feeling even shittier when I try to reach out to someone. I hate when I feel shitty all I think about is hurting myself. The sensation lingers all over my body. From my neck to my thighs. You. You're my mom, the guys at work, the friends I play video games with. You are all these people in my head. Everyone. Scared that even the smallest fuck up could make you hate me. You. The reason I care too much. The reason why I am who I am today. Two days ago I had a mental break down. Laughing so I didn't cry. You are college, you are work you are the will to do something with myself. You are so many people and things. So hard to please but that's only cause you are me too.