DM's - LIL XAN

Thirty One

The time is 2:30 in the fucking morning and I got tears running down my face. Autumn Leaves by Chris Brown is playing and I'm literally bawling. I don't wanna text Diego but I know I should. I love him so much and I wanna be with him, I don't even care. I'm putting myself through hell trying not to tie him down because I don't wanna lose him. I feel like his ex girlfriend now, with their open relationship. All I want is for him to come back home to me at night, and he doesn't. He's at his house, probably with another bitch.

I push all my feelings away and take a deep breath in, picking up my phone. I click Diego's name and it starts ringing.

I started crying more as I watched the Facetime call keep ringing and ringing, me not daring to hang up. My heart skipped a beat when I saw it connecting, and I started panicking because I really have no clue what I'm gonna say.

"Anastasia? Baby?" He asks with a groggy voice. I could tell he has been asleep and I smiled down at my phone. But I have no clue if there's a girl with him.

I go back to pouting and I just look down at my phone, not sure what to say. "Baby I know you didn't just FaceTime me to sit here and stare at my dark ass ceiling." He said. I miss him so fucking much and I just wanna be in his arms.

"I fucking miss you Diego." I say, my breath got caught in my throat and I start rubbing my eyes. I'm so fucking sad.

"I've never been the one to cry over a guy but I love you so much and just simply put I want to be with you and love on you and I want to be in your arms right now and kiss your face and I want you here wiping my dumbass tears." I say, breathing out. My breath is so shaky that it feels like I can barely fucking breathe.

"It literally feels like I have no air to breathe and Diego you just make everything so much fucking better, I wish I was in your bed and not mine." My tears are so warm and my face has become somewhat sticky.

I hear him let out a deep breath, and I start thinking the craziest things. What if he's about to tell me he doesn't wanna be with me anymore? What if he doesn't love me? I smack myself back into reality when I hear his voice.

"Baby I love you. So fucking much." He says, and I start crying more. If he loves me why does it feel like I ain't enough for him?

"Do you want me to come over baby?" He asks, and I bite my lip. I want him to come so bad but I still don't know what we are. I think that when he comes I'm gonna wanna be all over him and I have no clue what's happening between me and him. I don't wanna go through this back and forth thing but right now I just wanted to be in his arms.

"I know you probably don't want me to ma and that you think we ain't really figured out what's going on but I can just come comfort you. You want me in your presence anyways right?" He asks, and I put my phone up to my face and nod. He pouts at my red face with tears all over it and I start smiling at him. I love him so fucking much.

"Fuck yes I want you to come over Diego." I say, wiping my tears with my blanket I have on my bed. I run to the bathroom with my phone and start wiping off my face.

"Fuck I look so bad." I say, but I'm still smiling lowkey because I just heard Diego open and close his car door.

"I'm on the way baby." He says, flipping the camera to show me all the street lights that he's passing, I don't know how I'm gonna feel seeing him.

"I fucking love you Diego." I say, still looking at the phone as he flips the camera and puts it on himself. He smiles down at the phone and I stare at his dimples, and he sticks his tongue out.

"I can't wait to cuddle with you." I say, changing into some sweats and changing out of my bra. I literally haven't left my bed all day. I was and still am lowkey sad as fuck.