Queen Of Paradox (Unedited)

The Calm Before

Lana jolted awake, and hastily scrambled into an upright position. It took her a moment to realize she was in her room. Her room that surprisingly clean. Even her bed was returned to its original placement. Just how long had she been passed out for? Her eyes wandered to the window that was letting in the brightness and warmth of the sun's rays, and then widened when they landed on Dean. He was crammed on her window seat, head resting against the glass and mouth slightly ajar releasing soft snores. A slight shift by her bed had her glancing down and sucking in a quick breath. William sat crossed leg on the floor. His back leaning against the bed and his head drooping to the side, bringing his golden cap of hair dangerously close to her fingers. The urge to stroke her fingers through them and grasp the soft shiny strands was almost overwhelming.

Speaking of overwhelming...Lana's thoughts replayed the events of a few hours ago and with a deep sigh, she fell back against her pillows. It was all true, wasn't it? She really had lost her memories. Like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, it all came rushing back to her. Running into Nika at the gym, blacking out, waking up in a strange room, the Queen's arrival and then the fall... She had been so sure she was going to die. But she had lived. Only to become the Queen's plaything. They must have all been laughing behind her back while pretending to care for her. Nika had to be the one that was responsible for the 'lights out' moment and the betrayal stung. But not as much as the ones she experienced after. She had forged real friendships in that Palace. She had genuinely cared for Jacqueline...for Randolph...But all that time they had been aiding the Queen in her deception. And then there was the matter of what she must have put Dean and William through. She couldn't imagine the worry they must have felt. The fear of her never knowing them again.

If the situation had been reversed she would have been devastated. She wasn't sure she'd know how to live without them. It would have been beyond painful. And while her disappearance and then forgetfulness was tearing them apart she was busy opening her heart to someone else. A lump rose in her throat and she raised a shaky hand to her lips. Oh, Gods...What had she done? The only two people she'd loved her whole life was William and Dean. She never thought it was possible to love anyone else, to even desire someone else. But she had. She had desired Randolph. It wasn't love, far from it. What she had felt for Randolph was bred from physical attraction and a sense of security. She had felt safe with him. In a place where she felt so utterly lost and alone he had been her anchor.

But she would be lying if she didn't admit that eventually the lust and need she felt would have grown into more if she had let it. And that terrified her the most. To imagine feeling anything even remotely close to what she felt for William, Dean...with someone else? It made her nauseous. She would have to tell them what happened between her and Randolph...would they resent her for it? Would she, if it had been them? She felt her eyes prick and grow blurry with unshed tears. She didn't want to lose them. Not before she had even gotten the chance to have them.

Blinking rapidly, Lana slowly sat up once more. She knew what she had to do. It was what she should have done the day they told her they loved her. She had been so afraid of her own feelings that she had run away. And look where that got her. Kidnapped and used by that vile bitch and her fellow puppeteers. Well, no more stalling. Taking a deep breath, she reached out and softly stroked her fingers through William's hair. "Will..." she murmured softly, trying not to wake him too harshly. A soft groan left his lips before he blinked a few times and then sprung into motion. Springing to his feet, he hovered over her, panic and concern glimmering in his eyes. "What's wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt-"

With a soft giggle, Lana reached up and pressed her fingertip firmly against his lips. Effectively silencing him. "Shh. I'm fine." she whispered, a coy smile on her lips. His gaze searched hers before they softened and he visibly calmed. Grasping her finger, he lifted her hand higher and pressed his cheek into her palm, his eyes fluttering closed. The sudden display of affection caught her off guard and she felt her cheeks grow hot. "We thought we lost you...You have no idea how painful it was to think that you'd never be yourself again. That you'd never look at us the same way again..."