Chrysalis

Confession

“I cant do this anymore Diane”

I had just walked in the door after a tough day at the office and was expecting a lovely night with my wonderful girlfriend : soaking in the bath, rose petals on the bed, making love with soft lights and calm music in the background.

Who am I kidding?

“What are you trying to say to me Suzie?”

“Ive…….Ive been seeing another girl for about two months”.

“Your kidding, who?”

“Tracie”

“The counsellor?”

“Yeah, I know she is jail-bait but I was lonely thanks to you ruining our anniversary by working late again”.

“And if you remember I was coming home early to surprise you when you said that the night was ruined and you were off to bed”

She shrugged her shoulders.

“You lied to me and had your head between her legs no doubt”

“I couldn’t help it, she seduced me with kind words…..you know what I sucker I am for a sob story”.

“Too right I know”

“Well after the last time you said that no more chances or I was out the door, well I have run out of those chances and now im leaving”.

“With Tracie?”

“If she will have me”

“Suzie, the girl is a total slut and she has slept with most of her clients, looks like I missed the most obvious though”..

“How can you know that?”

I looked her squarely in the eye.
“You knew about me and Tracie?”

“Yes I knew”

“How?”

“Your careless Suzie, you always have been…….at first I wanted to believe that she had left her jersey and shorts lying around the house but when I found a pair of knickers with ‘Tracie’ written across them and hiding under our pillow, it didn’t take me long to work it out”.

“And you never confronted me about it, why?”

“You just don’t get it Suzie, I love you……I have always loved you….Your cheating just made me realise that I would be lost without you…….but after I found them in our bed……I started to make my own plans”.

“Plans?”

“You better check the bank account Suzie, you may notice some large withdrawals……Ive removed all of my savings”.

*

And that was that.

*

They say that getting over your first love is always the toughest and that every decision after that would constantly be seen as an attempt to replicate perhaps in looks what is familar.

Bull to that.   

Suzie Simpson may have been my first girlfriend and we did a lot of other firsts together but now I planned to move on, be it slow or quick I didn’t know.

Suzie moved out the following morning, I didn’t even want an explanation from her because if we hugged, we would kiss, we would end up in bed, we would be back to square one and I would forgive her all over again and she would stay with promises and I would let her.

I slept in the spare room to avoid any such problems and when I awoke in the morning she was gone.

I found a note lying on our bed.
‘I know its too late Di but I did love you too, I don’t deserve you’.

I refused to cry and instead spent the next few hours enjoying a long hot soak in the bath and skipping past the rose petals in my mind I dressed in preparation for a relaxing day on my own.

Just after twelve my mobile pinged to announce a text, it was from Suzie and she was announcing that when she got home from work that the remainder of her clothes and possessions would be gone.

I made it my business to make sure that I was out of the house when she arrived.

I left her a note explaining that if she took any of my clothes or possessions that I would be in touch with her parents to tell them exactly what had happened.

Suzie loved her parents but they never knew she was a lesbian and would cut her out of any further payments that she received for this house which she had told them was shared with two flatmates.

It saddened me to think that they only knew me as a friend rather than the love of their daughters life…..

Maybe I would tell them when all this was over.

I felt rebellious..

But.

That wasn’t me, I didn’t have a bad bone in my body.

The house was empty and I was feeling sad but I didn’t want to cry and make her win.

She took exactly what was hers, that chapter of my life was over and I needed to stop falling for those who set out to hurt me.
Instead I chose to chat with my best friend through Skype and tell her exactly what had happened.

Of course she told me often enough.

“Suzie is not good enough for you”

“I can see ‘cheat’ in her eyes”.

And my dear friend Siobhan was right, I had been played once again.

But now was not the time for mourning, I wanted to get pissed.

I dialled up through Skype and waited for Siobhan to pick up at the far end, she lived at the other end of the country and was overdue a visit.

I grabbed a bottle of blossom hill and piled the cushions up to get comfortable.

The Skype connected and I saw my friend smiling at me.

Then I burst into tears.