Ending Page

004

Haven’t you ever been like this when you felt lonely?
Haven’t you ever been like this when tears fall?

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My friends were around me. They made me smile and laugh but deep inside I was too broken and lonely. I shut myself from the world. Kris was the only person I wanted.

When he left me. He took a great part of me and left me in pieces. He was my whole life. I couldn’t breathe because it was too painful.

It was like breathing under water.

But there was a time when I saw Kris cry in a corner. I could feel that it was hard for him too.

“you want to know the reason why I broke up with you?” Kris asked me

“yes.” I whispered. Tears brimming my eyes

“my friends say you weren’t enough for me. You’re not that physically attractive compared to my exes.” He mumbles

“I understand.”

I was fat, insecure with the world, I have low self-esteem. I didn’t believe in myself. I wasn’t fair skinned. I wasn’t attractive. I was worthless.

He wasn’t proud of me.

His friends wanted him to have a girlfriend that he could show-off to the world, and I wasn’t qualified.

I mopped around and cried every single day because of that. I didn’t eat much or drink much. I practically wasted away because I wanted to lose weight but sadly, I got sick and was rushed to the hospital.

I suffered from dehydration and had ulcer. I also suffered from depression.

I struggled every single day.

I kept holding my tears back.

Heechul would force feed me.

Myungsoo would drag me to the court so that I’ll play volleyball.

Donghae would sing me songs whenever I broke down

Sungmin would hug me whenever I spaced out.

I was no longer the happy-go-lucky, loving, thoughtful person they knew.

I was a living zombie.

I had no heart.

I turned into a cold monster.

I kept on shutting everyone out of my life.

I built a wall around me.