Cameo Heart

-

How stupid do I have to be to give in to such a trivial desire? Seriously. The only thing that went through my mind was him and his stupid pretty eyes and smooth voice. My gown and cap were in my back pack stuffed in there with my diploma and my ds that was probably out of battery by now. I walked around for awhile to distract myself from the inevitable mountain of planning I'll have to do for my extended global "study" trip. Really if I was being honest, it was just a rich kid's glorified vacation. I didn't want to live somewhere for too long. you become used to everything and when that happens you're stuck there. No way out. No way up. I didn't want to be one of those people who stayed stuck. I wanted to be someone who could just vanish at the drop of a hat. Without a trace and without any pain. Which was stupid just like me. Despite my family being at a constant state of separation, they made it more than clear that I was still family even if I was left home alone for months on end. How they got away with it you may be asking. Nanny. Well more like our neighbor who is a nanny checking in on me every once in awhile. Although when I turned eighteen the visits stopped and I was left to my own devices.

I walked around town. Up alleys and around corners. I had no regular haunts so there was no where for me to really get comfortable. I always used to tell myself that I lived in a state of suspended existence until I was finally airborne and moving away from any place with ten Starbucks within a ten mile radius. It's not that I'm antisocial or have some kind of superiority complex, it's just I never really got used to coexisting with others. Especially when all you hear from anyone is how so and so said this about so and so's ex and how so and so is a bitch. The human race is a cesspool of hypocrites and back stab era with their heads so far up their asses the can't see the obvious moral gaps being left to younger generations. I guess I do hate people. Just a tiny giant bit.

I arrived at Moors and Castles, a very outdated book/comic/role playing shop nestled between an off brand coffee shop and a second hand store. For the most part M&C carried any current popular book be it vampire or sex themed. I browsed the shelves for something new to read. I passed over several titles all of which had either a shirtless buff he-beast being embraced by a giant breasted woman or some gothic artful shot of a woman in a dress in a forest. I settled on a small book with a baby blue color. Just like the card that has been sitting in my pocket for well over 2 hours. In that moment I felt a warmth pass over, like sunlight in spring. I walked up to the counter to purchase the little book (A Tale Of One Soul by Catherine G. H.). The cashier rang me up, offered me the current promotion of the week and then handed me a bag with a dragon it. I walked out into the soft twilight settling in. I kept to the route that would take me home the quickest. All the while I held the card between my fingers. His name was written in a beautiful cursive that accented every curve of every letter so dramatically I was pretty sure it was computer made (obviously). On the back side was what I assumed to be his number. I was half way home by the time I looked to see the streets began to darken and the streetlights bloom to life. The town settled into its usual lively routine, only it was louder with everyone celebrating their graduation. Every restaurant I passed was bustling with the families of my former peers all in a drunken glee. Maybe I was what passed as the token son story for a loner. But then again I wasn't complaining about my solitude. I turned the corner onto my street and slowed my pace. Every house had only the porch light on or had the soft blue glow of a television set. My house though, not even the flicker of a candle illuminated a single window. Most people would be worried of an intruder but my dad had gone and gotten the best security systems money could buy when they first bought the house (in cash as they liked to tell me). I unlocked the door and punched in the code on the pad next to the door. I heard the security disengage and I closed the door. The system reactivated as per the norm. I stood in the entry in front of the stairs. I set my backpack down and walked to the kitchen to find something to eat. I did all the shopping so I knew I'd find something I liked every time I walked into the kitchen. I settled on a pudding cup and juice pouch and made my way up to my room. After Jack and Ryan moved out I asked to have my room expanded and long story short I now inhabit a room that takes up the majority of the second floor. The master bed room remained untouched because occasionally my parents do pop in and prefer not to sleep in the guest bed.

I sat in my desk chair and spun around while sipping from the pouch. I had no homework or paperwork to do. I had no social media sites to check and I was up to date on every series I watched. It hit me like a train that I'd just bought a book and forgotten to even bring it up. I got up and walked to foot of the stairs. I rummaged through my back pack and pulled out the book and my cellphone. Now despite how lonery I come off that doesn't mean I don't have any friends. I have three, all of which moved to different corners of the planet. They keep in touch though and that sets them apart from everyone because despite anything they keep me up to date on their lives as well as ask about me and show an actual interest. Sherry calls. Max emails. Tyler texts. I wasn't surprised to have an email, a voicemail and a text all saying congratulations. I replied to each in their respective forms. Sherry didn't pick up though, she was probably asleep. I left a voice mail and went back to my desk. I had my desk in front of a window and I looked out on the backyard a lot. I watched the water in the pool shift idly in the breeze and watched a squirrel make a final run for food. I caught movement in the back corner near the fence that enclosed the yard. It looked like a black blob moving back and forth like it couldn't decide whether to stay in the yard or leave. Maybe it was just a cat stalking a mouse. It turned around and stood up right, higher and higher. I fell out of my chair and pushed away from the window. I could feel my heart pounding and hear my blood rushing. What the fuck was that?! I slowly moved toward the window and peeked out from the corner. Whatever that was it was gone now and so was my sense of security and Also, my sanity. I closed the curtains and closed my door. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling. I was a crazy person. probably schizophrenic and that was ok. I really hate still being here and if I was honest. I hated being alone.