I'm Still Hurting //Bechloe Fanfic//

Chapter 5

Chloe POV

It's been a week. A week since I got the call. Since Beca went into a coma. And a bunch of other crap. Emily's the youngest one here and she's... she's the sanest one out of all of us. Aubrey went to her camp thing to calm her emotions. Lilly, Jessica, Ashley, and Flo went to the bar. Fat Amy I don't even know where she had gone. Cynthia-Rose is chilling back at the house. And Stacey's, Stacey's out getting laid. Same old, same old.

"Chloe," I look to the right and see Emily standing in the door way. "Why are you still here?" I look away, not wanting to answer. I hear her walk over and stand beside me. "You told us you were going to go home and get rest."

"How can i get rest, Emily? Beca's in a coma," I answer, my voice low.

"Yeah, Beca's in a coma. But we have to try and live our lives until she wakes up," Emily says after a couple moments. I don't answer or do anything. I look at Beca. "Chloe...please. I'll watch her it'll help you go and get some rest." I look up at Emily and nod. I stand up and kiss the top of Beca's head. I stand up and look at Emily.

"I'll be back in-"

"You'll be back at 5 pm. Now go get some rest," Emily spoke cutting me off. "And eat as well." I slowly let go of Beca's hand and walk out of the room. I walk out of the hospital and out to my car. I get in and go to start the engine when I feel tears just start bawling out of my eyes. I hit the steering wheel with the palm of my hands and then lay my head down on the wheel. I put the keys in the engine and start it. I pick my head up and pull out and start driving. I don't even know where. I just start driving, as the tears pour out of my eyes.

Soon I find myself parked at the house. I unbuckle my seat belt and get out of the car. I go into the house and see Cynthia- Rose no where in sight. I mean the car's with Lilly, Flo, Ashley, and Jessica. And I had the other car so... I just shake the thought off and run up the stairs. I walk down the hall and turn to the left at Beca's door.

I stand outside the door for 5 minutes. I slowly lift my arm up and grab the knob. I keep my hand on the knob for a long while till I just twist it and open it. I don't walk in, I stay outside the door frame. I look around and see papers on her desk. I walk in and shut the door behind me. I walk over to the desk and search it for anything. Anything about why she would do this. When I couldn't find nothing there I search the drawers. "Come on, Beca. Where is it?!" I spoke to myself. I pick myself up and look around. "Where'd you hide it?" I look around the room and see her dirty laundry basket. I walk over and start searching through it. Throwing all the clothes onto the floor, around the room. Soon a paper falls out. I snatch it and open it quickly. I begin to read it.

Dear Bellas,
          I'm sorry. By the time you read this I should be dead. I should be long gone and if I'm not I don't know what has happened to me. But I just couldn't take this any longer. I feel bad, I do. And I've been hiding it from you guys for months now and I should've...should've told someone. Should've told you, Chloe. Should've at least told you. But I didn't and I regret it. I regret it because i know you would've been the one to help me. You would've been the one to save me from the emotions I've been feeling for the past months. But I couldn't. I couldn't allow myself to do that. And I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry to all of you guys. But the cameras, the competition, it was all too much with the hate we were starting to get. And there's one more thing. Under Amy's bed, in a small box there's a letter. Another one, for just Chloe. I'm sorry for doing this. Forgive me.

         Beca

I quickly get up and go to Amy's bed on the other side of the room and look underneath the bed. I get on the ground and see the box after some left over dishes from like weeks ago. I shake my head and just grab the small box. I pull it out and open it quickly. Inside, I find an envelope with my name on it. I hesitate for a moment then pull it out. I open it up quickly and unfold the letter. I quickly begin to read.

Dear Chloe, 
            I didn't mean to leave you. I love you, I loved you. And I never understood how you had felt for me. We would always have perfect moments where we could've kissed each other, but neither of us did. And maybe I should've. But there was a time where you had felt my breasts and it was weird at first, but I was so in love with you, I didn't mind it. And as these years went on I just wanted...wanted to tell you how I felt. Felt about you, about us. But i couldn't. Because I felt as if the others would disapprove and i don't know if you'd like me the same way. But Chloe Beale, the love I have for you was cool, hard and sweet. Loving you was young, wild, and free. Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound, a steady place to lay down my defenses but by loving you it always had consequences. Always had cons. But does it matter now? I would cry myself to sleep so many times because I loved you and you didn't love me back. I'm so sorry for doing this. I'm so sorry for hurting you. Please forgive me. But promise me, you'll live your life to the fullest and be happy each and every single day I'm gone. I love you Chloe Beale. And I've loved you since the first day since you stopped to ask me to join the Barden Bellas.
           Love, Beca

I stare at the letter and watch as tears fall from my cheeks onto the end of the letter. I shut my eyes and just cry to myself. I stand up quickly and take everything from both Amy and her desk, throwing it to the ground. Loud thumps were heard from the floor. But I didn't care. I took the lamp and threw it down. Glass shadered everywhere. I yelp out in pain feeling something cut my leg. I look down and see blood begin to rush out. I shake my head as tears kept pouring out. I went to Beca's bed and tore her bed apart. Pillows ripped. Blankets torn. Laptop pieces covered the ground. Finally I fell to the ground with both letters in my hand and began to cry. Knees pulled up to my chest. My face hidden in my knees.

"I love you too, Beca. I have always loved you..."