Just A Memory

chapter 5

    The funeral was that upcoming Friday. Everything after that was a blur. I got home and I couldn't take it anymore. I hated myself for letting her go. I hated myself for being so stupid. I hated everything... I still couldn't go to school because I would have frequent panic attacks.

    So one day, I overdosed. Everything went black. I remember seeing her. I was moving towards her. I was going into the light as stupid people would say. I woke up with a doctor hovering over me trying to keep me alive. I wanted to die so badly...

    Once I was released from the hospital, I didn't know what to do with myself. All I could think about was Grace. The sentence 'I want to be dead' was the only sentence I could form in my head.

    I started smoking and doing drugs, hoping it would take the pain away. It never took the pain away. It just made it worse.

    I visited her grave everyday. I would just talk with her. I would sit on the ground and just talk. I would pray that she would respond to me... and of course, she never did. I eventually stopped going because it all hurt too much.

    Everyone felt awful. The popular kids felt like it was their fault because they teased her. The school counselor thought it was her fault because she knows she could've helped Grace. But most of all, her parents felt awful. They knew it was their fault. They hated themselves. They didn't notice their own little girl dying. Everybody thought it was their fault...

    Marcus broke up with me after he found out that I was in the hospital... he texted me and said:

Marcus: Look, I don't think we should be together.

Me: What..? Why?

Marcus: It is so hard to walk around with a girl with scars on her wrists. People judge me, and it makes me feel like shit.

Me: Oh...

Marcus: Just so you know, I never thought you were beautiful. I only said that to make you feel okay about yourself.

Me: Oh... I'm sorry...

Marcus: Yeah. Goodbye.

Me: Goodbye you mother fucking bitch cunt little fucking shit! I fucking HATE YOU!

    He never replied. He just moved on. Everything was just such a lie. Everyone was such a lie. Everyone is just so fake! I hated it. I hated everyone. I hated life.

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authors note: just so you know, my best friend didn't kill herself. I never had a boyfriend. No ones ever broken up with me because of scars. I just wanted to create a really good story. Its not done yet so far. I'll try to finish it soon