Why I Hang On

Age 4-10

Let's start at age 4, my first time exploring who I really was, although not much to find out, I was eager to see who I was meant to be later in life. I started by trying out for a football team, of ourse in Pee Wee football, everybody makes it. I was different, I was "so good" that they put me on the grade above, instead of my Pre-K year learning the game of football, I move straight up, and was star Center and Defensive tackle for my team, we didn't win a single game. That was ok though, I felt good as a result of my success. After that, I had an obsession about learning in school, my favorite subject, math. I knew math so well, instead of putting me in a Pre-K competition, they trained me for a 1st grade competition, which I came 2nd in. I was an "excelling" in absolutely everything I did.

Age 5 comes around, doing the same old, same old. Football season comes around, and my parents were having problems with the football schedule, and ultimately diminishing my dream to play football, they decide it would be best to pull me out. Although minor, it meant alot to a kid who always got picked on, and wanted to get revenge on people for it. Football was the only thing at the time keeping me from going crazy. So I worked and worked and worked, so I didn't get out of shape for the next season I was able to play. School was getting better, straight A student. That's what mattered in my parents eyes, of course didn't mean alot to me. I didn't know any better, I just cared about football.

Age 8, I'm skipping because nothing truly happened in those years. So... Here we go. As I was growing older, I got bigger and stronger, but only for my age. Not for what is about to come... One night, my 3rd cousin and her boyfriend were living with us. I was sleeping in my new room, it was a beautiful place because it was the first time I had my own room. It was pretty cool in my opinion. He walked in, sat at my feet, and ripped my blankets off of me... Hopefully you get the rest... After that, I swore on my life, that I wouldn't ANYONE get touched like that on my watch... Its not a pleasant story of course, but it has to be heard. I looked in the mirror the next morning, I never would forget that look... The look of my own disappointment. A weakling, someone who wasn't able to take care of themselves in their own time of need...

Age 10 I never got over myself from what had happened at age 8, I still remember everything, it never left my mind. I had easily became the "bad kid". I snuck out, drank... Things I'm not proud of, but it made me happy. That's all that mattered at the moment. I was at a party, well, more like a small get together. 2 people (whose names are protected) as Jay, the girls step dad, and Lil, as the girls house. Lil went up stairs to get some more drinks, my instincts weren't feeling very good. I run up stairs to find Jay pinning down Lil, I stood thinking back to my reflection in the mirror... I said to myself, "Don't forget your promise." I ran over with a bottle of whiskey, and bashed him over the head, I grabbed her. I pulled her with me as I ran backwards to keep him from grabbing her again. He stood up and ran to his room after Lils mom had heard the commotion. I rallied up my friends, as drunk as we were, I'm surprised we were able to open the door.

That, is my age 4-10 segment. A very hard time in my life, from that night forward, I never have trusted a single guy. Especially alone with a woman. I despise men that do that, I will never forget. There is more action in the next part, I love you all.