ChronoNicles - Stories Beyond Time

Lost Outside The Everything

I feel like I'm drifting. Enveloped by the darkness that is this void. Nothing exists here, besides me. But I deserve this, every part of this, every part of this darkness, this emptiness, this nothingness. Sometimes I feel like between my own thoughts pass hours, days, years, centuries, just to be reminded that it doesn't matter.

I've been running the story of my life in my head every once in a while, just to keep myself occupied. I was such a brat. Stupid, power hungry, wanting nothing but to prove myself superior in the eyes of a very insignificant man – my father.

Was there anything in my life that I wish I could change now? Plenty. I never knew regret, only how to push forward, but having only my memories as companions for a very long time helps a man to see and understand things he never had a chance to stop and see or will to understand.

Regret, a word in everyone's vocabulary, means that you see the chain reaction a single action of yours has caused, that you dislike or disapprove, and would react differently given chance afterwards. Imagine how pitiful my life had to be for me to never see regret in myself. Regret makes you grow as a person. I haven't changed since I was a little kid, scared of everything, wanting to not feel afraid.

I let myself to believe I conquered fear, didn't feel it anymore, that I was truly courageous and fearless. I wasn't. I was always afraid and no matter what I did, whom I've defeated, or killed, I always felt it. I was driven by it. By the fear of going back to the powerless little boy getting a beat down every day to 'get stronger'.

When I got to this place, I spent a while looking for a way out, trying to think of a way to leave this place, but it was my tomb. I've been building it my entire life. I just didn't look at my hands when doing it.

After a few years, without changing in any way, I stopped. I named this place 'Void Prison', because there was nothing here – not even death. Then I started remembering everything that has happened. From the most recent memories to the oldest ones. Here, in The Void, no new memories can be produced. There is nothing here, what could I possibly remember then?

I'm drifting, thinking of my past, every action I took, every chance I didn't take, every thought I've ever had. At first there were only few of them, driven by the same emotion – rage. In time another came – fear. Then one after another: pain, sorrow, grief, greed, jealousy, pride, will, hate, love, compassion, hope. The last one was regret. When I knew what it was it came naturally. I've already seen it in my memories, there were only a few I would change nothing about.

I couldn't even cry – tears didn't exist in The Void.

I keep drifting through The Void, torn between will and regret. I still want to get out, but something has changed.

'Apo Callyps, the conqueror of worlds, the destroyer of systems, the self-proclaimed savior of the galaxy, has died in The Void' I thought to myself. That's right. I was done fighting for me. If I ever, by any means, escape this forgotten by everyone place, I swore to never let another apocalypse devastate the universe.

Never again.

...

Oh how much I wished I wasn't wrong.