The Playlist

Another love

We escaped the house without turning back. What was there to run from? A rich woman making out with a young man? I don’t think she’d run after me if I was going to kill myself. That’s okay; I never respected or loved her anyway.

My back was hunched as we walked, separate sets of headphones with a growing distance. I stared at the cracked slab pavement. Grey with a tint of beige. There were pebbles, rough ones you could roll between your index finger and thumb. I kicked a small one- it was a mix of blue and grey.

All I could feel was the pulse of music being shot through my ears and down to my toes. But it didn’t cause me happiness; it left me hollow at the doubt of what I felt. That’s okay. I didn’t want to think much. I’m such a baby, sulking in my own loathing, hatred and sadness.

He reached for my arm and brushed it lightly. I took of my headphones and put them round my neck.

“You okay?” Blake asked, as if he didn’t know what to say.

“Yeah. It was expected anyway.” I tried to laugh but it came out as a cough.

“Need a hug, Spock?” He asked, I flinched but nodded.

His arms were warm, wrapped round me as if he was a warm blanket on the front porch of a snowy day. He was taller than I had thought so my head was forcibly buried in his shoulder. We stood for a few minutes, probably. I could hear the music playing from his headphones, as loud as mine as they mingled as our warmth did. I was expecting it to rain, it didn’t. Just a cool breeze passing by. Warmth wrapped in an autumn gust. I smiled slightly and squeezed him tight till he released me.

How far have I been with a boy? I hugged one. A pretty awesome one.

He grinned at me, playing with his lip ring as we walked.

“So, tell me about your dad.” He said as if it wasn’t a question if I answered.

“He’s never here. He runs an international lawyer company; right now I think he’s in New Zealand. I have no idea. He’s always moving round. When I was little we used to be a normal family. Well, when I say that we all used to be together and go on holidays. We’d run around in circles on the beach, try and catch crabs and then eat ice cream.  I used to pretend I was too tired to walk so he’d lift me onto his back and run around.” I smiled at the memory as Blake crouched down. “What?” I asked.

“Get on my back.” He said, no question about that either.

I climbed onto his back and he held onto my legs as I placed my arms round his shoulders. Then he asked me about my brother as we walked the wind against us but that was okay. I was feeling a little better. My brother…I explained that he was currently in America, studying to become a doctor. He used to be all cheery and brotherly. You could just tell he was going to be a doctor by the way he always helped you if you were ill, if I cut my knees skateboarding he’d take care of that too. He used to carry around a little first aid kit that my mum had bought him for his birthday. A little stethoscope he carried around too in the bag, questioning what was wrong and then wrapping me in bandages and plasters. I recalled a time I decided I wanted to mummify him on April Fools so while he slept I took all his bandage rolls and wrapped them round him. He did wake up but when he tried to attack me he rolled off the bed, his lower half already a huge cast.

I probably should have put two and two together when I asked him about his family. He seemed quite willing to talk about it though. However, he didn’t say anything but:

“I’ll take you to them.”

I was sure that we had ages till we got to his house but apparently not. I could see the lane but we took a detour. You’re probably going to call me stupid when I say I thought they must have been vicars or something. Why would vicars and pastors leave their child with a drug addict?