IT'S NOW OR NEVER 4/4

IT'S NOW OR NEVER - Chapter 2

It was ten in the morning when Miles tried to turn on his side and he soon realized that he couldn't move because Alex was wrapped around him. The man had probably woken up during the night and instead of sneaking away as he had done so many times in the past, he had taken off his clothes, slipped under the sheets and stayed. Just to fuck up his mind. And his whole life. However, having him in his arms was the best feeling ever and right now, he couldn't help but enjoy it.

Miles' hand caressed Alex's hair and usually, at this point, he couldn't prevent a smile appearing on his own face but today he couldn't smile. Yes, having him in his arm was great but truth was that he felt exactly the way he was feeling hours ago before falling asleep; whatever was going on in Alex's mind, he didn't feel optimistic about what was going to happen. Alex hadn't been able to wait to see him and now he was still in his arms but he knew Alex enough to know that he was not going to tell him -Yes, Miles. The answer is yes. I love you and I wanna stay with you no matter what-. If Alex had finally decided to love him unconditionally, he would have jumped on him yesterday night, not wasting a second before telling him that he was madly in love and wanted a life with him. Probably Alex was just feeling lonely and wanted to see him to check if he was still Miles the madly-in-love-idiot, the one he could use when he needed, the only one who was always up to put up with his shit. Because it was always easy for him to fall into Alex's trap. It was always easy to him be taken in by Alex's arguments, by his sweet glances and cuddles, his pouts, his... everything, but what he got from him was just a part-time love. And he didn't need that.

-You deserve to be loved all the fucking time, Miles. You've been patient, very patient, probably too much patient. I know that in that moments he makes you happy but then, you feel bad, Miles, and you cannot going on like that. If you don't want to fall into pieces, hold on and do not take back your words. Everything or nothing, there's nothing in between. A healthy relationship is when both persons are happy and satisfied, not only one. -  Jay reminded him while driving him to the airport, and he knew he was right.

Miles sighed deeply; it was time to wake Alex up and tell him to leave his bed. They were just friends and there was no reason to sleep together like that; they would meet later and have dinner together and they would go on with their lives. He knew that it wouldn't be that easy; the following months would be weird and awful but they were best friends and they would find a way. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and when he was about to roll himself away from Alex, the man spoke.

"Morning Mi," Alex said with a sleepy voice, squeezing Miles and nuzzling against his chest.

"Morning," Miles replied a bit coolly, feeling a little annoyed by the fact that Alex had held him in place while he was going to get rid of him and he hoped to be strong enough to stick with the plan even if he was already feeling his heart aching.

"I am sorry, Miles" Alex started off, sensing Miles' discomfort. "I came here to speak with you and then I fell asleep and... well, I woke up at some point but you were sleeping and I knew you were tired so I decided that it wouldn't be a problem to slide under the covers and... okay I shouldn't have done it. I am sorry," he continued, slackening his hold on Miles but staying wrapped around him.

Miles didn't say a word and Alex could feel the tension growing so he decided that there was no reason to waste time and have 'the conversation' immediately. He unwillingly lifted his body off Miles' chest and shifted into a sitting position with his back against the backrest. Miles mirrored his gesture and now the two men were sitting next to each other, Miles looking sad and miserable, Alex looking terribly nervous.

"Miles, I thought a lot about the conversation we had before you left. To be honest, I thought about it almost every minute of the past six months. I wanna tell you that you are the most important person in my life, my best friend and the only one who knows me and loves me exactly for who I am and I am grateful for this. It's the best gift I've received from life," Alex said, trying his best not to make his voice tremble.