It comes a period when we lose
ourselves, when we feel like we are someone else, a strange personality from our own, different nature, strange soul inside the same body. I lost myself in adolescence acquaintances where I gave too much and got little , where I put confidence and got nothing but painful stabs in return. I lost myself giving fake friends all I had, and sought love and admiration, only what friends own to each other. I didn't think of treachery, I never expected it to happen, and suddenly, without preparing for it, came like a sudden storm, when you are not ready, and it hurt, it caused a deep wound inside, so deep that I thought I would never heal it. I felt nothing, such a zombie, alive, breathing, but no feeling, just emptiness. I lost my productivity, my brain stopped partly functioning as a phone fell in water, but started working the same as before after it paid a visit to phones fixer. I passed through hard times, I suffered inside and, like when you have a lovable souvenir from a dear person, you withheld it, you don't show it to others, fearing they may hurt it, and as it is a part of you, a part of your soul, may hurt you. It took me a long time to heal my spirit, I started asking myself the existential question who am I ? Between dozens and dozens of thoughts, visions, desires, dreams and hopes. My brain, unlike the phone, started not only functioning as before, but even better after it paid a visit to the world of art. I found myself again there between the wonderful scenes of drama, horror, romance, comic, historical films and series, between The Lanisters and The Starks, in the invasions of The Vikings and the true love of The Fault in our Stars . I found myself tossing between thousands of pages of the classic novels, between Charles Dickens's narrating of Oliver Twist's suffering , Henry James's descriptions of old European mansions, and other gifted writers who marked the history of English literature, I found my comfort in psychology book, sitting between the philosophers of nature, as a participant in the lectures of Socratic, as an invited personality in a TV show expressing my point of view, I found my outlet in front of the blue calm ocean in the surface, but hiding mortal fights for surviving in the depths, thinking about how Robinson Crusoe fought to realise his dream, how he did not let other people's opinion and lifestyle affect and change his, how he did not lose hope during two decades in an isolated island, surrounded by the danger of the weather and cannibals, and made it at the end. I set myself new goals, I put them in front of my eyes, I take them seriously, I take them as friends, I take them as medicines , they give me strength, they motivate me to wake up 6 a.m. take the bus and go to study in the cold weather, to wake up at 8 a.m. and walk the long road to the library and work hard, hours and hours to pass my exams, and achieve these goals. Dozens of faults found and got fixed, and a number of others are still to be fixed, or to be found and get fixed.
I lost myself, and found it.
