Young and Free |Applyfic [CLOSED]

>>Bad Thoughts<<

Namji is known to be the happiest member of their group.

Ever since he met everybody he has always had a bright smile and somehow knew immediately how to cheer evergone up.
He was just the person they needed in their group.

What they didn't know is he isn't really as happy as he always seems...

Every day he suffers the thoughts paining him in his head;

Did I do okay?

Am I not good enough?

What's wrong with me?

Why am I living?

Why do I stay here?

Who am I really?

What's the point?

Its as if he can't escape those thoughts no matter how hard he tried.

His own mind traps him,
and torments him...

but yet he keeps a smile.

He keeps a smile for his friends.

He keeps that smile because he loves them and doesn't want them to know how he's really feeling.

He keeps that smile so that they dont feel the same way...

Under his mask is a hurt soul that needs to be brightened.

His smile hasn't broken yet...

Until now.

Before his very own eyes one of his closest and most dear friends was shot and killed.

Right in front of him.

Of course he can't possibly be as traumatized as Yeonwol,
but obviously he is affected by it in a terrible way.

What could I have done to save him?

He was protecting us.

I could have saved him though.

Is this my fault?

It wasn't,

but he couldnt help but feel like it was for some reason.

It is my fault.

I don't deserve to live.

I am the reason my friends are mourning.

He tried his best to keep these bad thoughts concealed.

He can't let them know he's not okay.

•••••

"T-the man...who k-killed J-johun...."
Jaesuk shuddered, as his voice seemed to fade at mentioning Johun.

"What?" Yeonwol grabbed Jaesuk's shoulders.

"What?!" He had started yelling and Jaesuk just became more choked up with his words.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MAN WHO KILLED HIM?!" Yeonwol demanded to know.

"HE ESCAPED." Namji replied sternly for Jaesuk.

.....

Yeonwol stood there motionless with his mouth hanging wide open.

Namji felt a pain in his gut.
He really couldn't do anything about this.

What was he supposed to do?

He felt useless.

"H-hyung..." Namji shakily put a hand on Yeonwol's shoulder.

"I don't want to talk right now..." Yeonwol replied.

Namji's hand drooped away from him.

How was he supposed to feel about this?

Did he do something wrong?

He couldn't comprehend.

It couldn't have been his other dongsengs that did anything bad...
so was it him?

What did he do?

How could be fix it?

....

Maybe if he wasn't even here everything would be better...

He could fix it...by not being there.

He could leave.

Leave his friends.

Leave his problems.

Leave his bad thoughts.

Leave the world.

Leave everything.

For good.