Why..?

THE END

When I sit down to study , a cloud of mist crowds my mind , I hesitate...why ? I don't understand. Is it because of internet .. I am not sure .. there's nothing for me there . I just don't know why ... maybe because of the broken promises. Well I miss my daphne ... well can't do anything about it now . The mind always keeps changing .. like the branches of a tree .. swaying in the wind .. the trunk my conscious filled with nothing but guilt and anger. Maybe I shouldn't have made so many promises .. then I wouldn't have had to break so many .. they wash over me like an icy shower from hell .. no where to hide .. except of course... but do I have the guts ...?

I grip the blade in my arms it's sharp edges cutting into my skin . I look at my arm , scarlet red and slimy , shining from the blood covering it ... I look down at the drops scattered on the floor , the red burned my eyes or maybe it was just my tears . I presses the cold blade against my wrist and closed my eyes " why don't u die .." the face of my mother filled with disgust came into my view while she thrust my test papers filled with zeros... I tried .. I really did . Am sorry everyone, all the turned backs of my friends and parents came into my memory...wait there is no everyone ... just me . The blade slid against my warm skin .. the cold blade slid across my wrist , the coolness of my blade soon left my wrist to be replaced by the warmth of my pouring blood .. I tried for a smile ... but that was it ... Darkness.

THE NEW BEGINNING

The smell of chlorine hit me first , choking me and forcing me awake , but too tired to move my eyelids were the only things that moved , as they fluttered open I felt two warm bodies clinging to mine.. it felt good " was hell this comfortable?? " as my vision cleared I saw my parents ... their faces filled with tears , not from disgrace but relief, they held me close whispering " we are sorry.. don't u ever " the rest was lost in them hugging me . For the first time in my life I felt relief from their tears ... they cared ... yet I asked " why did .." they said at once " because we love u .." I looked at the wall thinking of the past few weeks " go die !! ... we don't want someone like you " it send a shudder down my spine " we're sorry, we just were .." I looked at their faces and understood .. they never meant any of it . I kept saying They didn't understand me ... but did I even try to understand them to begin with ... I gave them a small nod and they smiled brightly .

The door opened and my eyes landed on a nerdy looking guy at the door .. my best friend " frank .." I had spend the whole year ignoring him just to mingle with the cool kids ... still .. why was he here . He walked up to me and patted my shoulder " good to see you man .." he held his head high , so I couldn't see his eyes , the glasses reflected the light of them. A big lump of guilt formed in my heart .. I opened my mouth to apologize but he stopped me " it's ok man ... " and he moved back and dropped a big stack of books on the desk beside my bed and looked at me with a smile " we gotta catch up a lot " I didn't even complain.. just laughed a reply .

The doctor send everyone out so I could recover in peace . As silence surrounded me I looked up at the ceiling and closed my eyes . This time there was no darkness , just light and the faces of my parents and best friend.. not a lot of people ... but just the ones I needed the most . Tears flow from my eyes cascading down my cheek .. but this time they didn't burn me .. they soothes me , I let a smile form on my face ... unlike the broken one before . I think of whatever force rules everything

" thank you "