i'd. never seen anyone so perfect. so majestic, like an angel. i saw him standing there with his Red Solo Cup and i knew he was the one. i approached him slowly.
"t-toby?" i stammer. he turns to look at me and the next thing that comes out of his mouth is so heart-wrenchingly beautiful. "sup motherfucker?"
"you're c-cute," i say, immediately mortified by my sudden confidence. Toby finds it amusing; i see a smile light up his face.
"would you like a drink of my beer snoogie woogums?" he asks me. i feel like i'm going to faint on the spot. i can't believe he just called me that. it's so.... sexy. i think i'm falling in love.
i grab the Red Solo Cup he offered me and take a drink. to my content, i didn't find it quite yucky. when we've both finished our drinks, we proceed to party. before he cheats is blaring through the speakers and we give each other a look.
it all happens so fast. i feel his hand on mine, and then we're slow dancing to my #country ##queen carrie underwood. i've never slow danced before, but doing it with toby feels so right. he steps on my feet a few times, but i don't mind. then he leads me to the porch outside.
"that was so much fun babe. we have to do it again sometime," i say.
but to my surprise, toby doesn't answer. i look over to see him having intimate relations with a Red Solo Cup that was left unattended for.
"TOBY KEITH!!!!!!!!!!!!" i yell. "how could you DO THIS TO ME?"
"i'm sorry honey bear," he says, staring at his feet. "it's-cheap and disposable. In fourteen years they are decomposable And unlike my home they are not foreclosable Freddie Mac can kiss my ass, woo!"
"i thought you were better than this toby. i trusted you," i yell, tears welling in the corners of my eyes.
but he isn't paying attention. he's too busy singing to the cup. "you are the Abbott into my Costello And you are the Fruit to my Loom Red solo cup, you're more than just plastic More than amazing, you're more than fantastic And believe me that I'm not the least bit sarcastic When I look at you and say: Red solo cup, you're not just a cup (No, no, God no) You're my friend, yea (Lifelong) Thank you for being my friend"
he doesn't even watch when i walk away. he's too busy fucking the plastic cup. i guess i shouldn't have judged so fast. i just thought he would be the one.
