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(c) 2015 | MsLane
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"Mahal naman talaga kita eh. Pero... parang kasing mismong tadhana na ang gumagawa ng paraan para hindi tayo magkatuluyan."
"Eunice, please. 'Wag mo namang gawin sa'tin to." Damn it! Konting-konti na lang talaga mapapaluhod na ako dito. Ayoko ng ganito. Why does it even have to reach this point? The time I had with her wasn't enough to reach this point-of-no-return.
"I'm sorry, Ian. Kailangan ko munang ipahinga yung puso ko. Baka magoverheat na eh. Baka sumabog." Sagot niya atsaka siya tumawa ng mahina kahit na umiiyak pa siya. "I really am sorry."
"No. Don't say that. Mahal kita, Eunice. Mahal na mahal." Shit! Naluluha na 'ko. Nakakababa siguro ng pagkalalaki tignan pero, tang'na, wala na 'kong pakialam. Even though this is a public place and other people might be able to see this, see me like this, I couldn't care less. If public humiliation could denote that this girl in front of me would stop spouting b***s**t and start telling me that this was just a joke - a bad joke, really - and that no relationship is being broken tonight, I'd be more than happy to be f**king humiliated. I don't care about the people who're watching so long as it means that this ain't happening, I can take it. I'll take it in a single stride. "What would it take for you to believe what I'm saying?"
"Ian, I swear, I do believe you. I really do. Pero, ayaw na talaga muna ng puso ko eh. It just can't bear getting hurt anymore." Bakit gano'n? Why is that even though the words she says are more hurtful, it pains me more to watch the tears falling from her eyes? Sa totoo lang, mas matatanggap ko pa kung magagalit na lang siya sakin ngayon kaysa dito sa nagpapaliwanag siya. I would even be glad to see her get mad right now. That I could accept and rationalize to than her apologizing to me for something that she didn't really do. Apologizing for not being trusted, now that's hell of a lot of b***s**t.
Bakit ba kasi ang gago ko?!
Bakit kinailangan ko pang gawin 'yon?!
Bakit ba kasi hindi ko na lang siya pinaniwalaan?!
Bakit kinailangan ko pang gumanti?!
Bakit ba kasi ako naging possessive?!
I just didn't want to lose her...
'Pag nawala siya. Hindi ko kakayanin. Baka bumalik nanaman ako sa dating ako. Alam ko namang ayaw na ayaw niya na 'kong bumalik sa gano'n. Shit. I even fought myself hard para lang maiwan ko 'yong dati kong gawi, and now? Now, this b***s**t thing is happening and I don't even fully understand why!
Wala naman siyang ibang ginawa kundi maging mapagmahal at understanding na girlfriend eh. Bakit ngayon... Bakit ngayon ko palang 'yon nare-realize? Bakit ba parang ang tanga-tanga ko? F**k! Ang tanga ko na lang talaga. Leche yang 'nasa huli ang pagsisi'! It's not even the end yet! I refuse to believe that this is how everything will end. I'm not in denial. I just know that Eunice and I, our relationship was destined for greater things. But, why the hell are we having this conversation right now?!
"Kahit ngayon lang, Ian. Kahit ngayon lang. Pagbigyan mo na'ko oh." Pinatong niya 'yong isa niya pang kamay sa kamay ko na hawak-hawak ng mahigpit ang right hand niya. "Ian, please," Bumulong siya. And it was worse than to have had her shout it at me. "Let me go." At sinimulan na niyang tanggalin ang kamay ko sa pagkakahawak sa kaniya.
"No. No. Shit! No. I won't let you go!" Hindi ko na talaga kaya. Napaluhod na ko.
"Ian. Please. Don't do this to yourself. Get up. Please naman." Mas lalo lang lumakas 'yong iyak niya. "Hindi ka dapat lumuhod sa harap ko. Hindi ko deserve ang pagbaba mo sa pride mo. Pakiusap lang. Tumayo ka na. Mas lalo lang akong nahihirapan. I don't deserve this much coming from you."
