Stronger Together

Chapter Four : Full Picture

Next day at DEO.

I was standing at the round table.in the middle of HQ, watching everyone around me talking. I wasn't listening. My thoughts were deafening me too much to care what anyone was saying.

Pathetic.
Useless.
Waste of space.
Can't do anything right.
Should've died on krypton.

That last thought triggered something in me, the image of my blade scraped into my brain. I realise just how much I missed it. All the commotion had happened a few days ago and so far, no one has spoken a word about it, maybe giving me space or something.

Puppies. Think of puppies and kittens. Nice happy thoughts.

No matter how many happy thoughts I conjured up, the blade soon followed. I couldn't take it any more, tearing myself away from everyone chattering and finding a deserted room.

I started clawing at my arms, like a mad women.

Its not working. I need pain.

I had an idea, I dug my nails into my palm to feel any sort of pain. I felt suddenly discomfort in my hands but I kept going, increasing the force I was using. I felt a little bit of blood trickle down my hand as I sighed in relief, the tension in my body releasing a little.

"Supergirl? We need-," J'onn called, walking into the room and stopping short at the sight in front of him.

Me standing in the middle of the room, back to the door, an relieved expression on my face and blood dripping off my hands.

"Supergirl. Kara, what are you doing!" J'onn hissed as he closed the door and sped in front of me.

I just looked at him through my eye lashes. "I'm trying to keep myself alive."

"How? By hurting yourself? Unclench your hand." He demanded, holding my hands in his.

"I can't. If I do, the thoughts will bubble over and it will become so overwhelming that I will do it again. Worse."

J'onn just looked at me, no doubt reading my mind, as he rubbed my still clenched fists. The pain had subsided as I was being disracted but it was still very much there so I was at peace.

"I'm getting Alex." J'onn suddenly stated.

"No - " but J'onn was already gone.

I sighed, looking down at my hands. I slowly unclenched my fists to reveal deep indents in my palm. I smirked to myself, knowing I could do it. I started using my nail to cut along the back of my hand, creating long lines of spotting blood. I had four lines along my left hand when Alex came rushing through the door, scooping me up in her arms.

"Alex"

"Sweetie its fine, I'm not mad," Alex shushed. I let myself be held by her for a few seconds before I pushed her away, turning my back on her to create more lines on my right hand.

"Kara stop!"

My hands paused in mid air as she walked around to face me.

"Kara you need to stop this. I'm not even sure how you are managing to hurt yourself without kryptonite but you need to stop."

"You did it. Why can't I?" I shot back.

Alex looked taken aback for a second before composing herself again.

"I stopped because I didn't want you to find out and think it's a thing you can do. And look what's happening." Alex stammered, tears pooling in her eyes now.

I looked down at the ground and down at my, still dripping, hand.

The lines were starting to heal and would most likely scar faintly.