Again - Poetry

Again

The hours I’ve spent, the tears I’ve shed,
do you think they’ll ever come to an end?

All this time I spend weeping, mourning a loss,
all because of a hope, yes, a hope that I’ve lost;

But not all gone, oh no, it still seeds in my heart,
but it grows into pain until my heart’s ripped apart.

It’ll end, you say, sooner than later,
but along with each day my pain becomes greater.

I sound so dramatic with my weeping and wailing,
with a solution so near to end my ailing;

But whenever I reach out, my fingertips grazing the key,
I’ve fallen again to be lost at sea.

A sea of despair, with heavy black waves,
ready to pull me in till I sink to my grave.

What a comfort it would be, to fall into the ocean,
but of course I’m never brave enough, and repeat my hopeful motions.

Repetition, repetition. It never ends.
Like an endless hall, a rat race again and again.

Just one more step! Things will change!
You’ll be free, snag the key, go beyond sadness and rage!

Maybe you’re right. One last try.
My fingers are trembling and my knuckles are white.

And then it happens; I’ve touched the key,
wounds are healing as I shout for glee.

But as fast as it came it vanishes again,
fading away as if it had never been there.

Why can’t I let go, jump into that sea?
Why can’t I dive where it’s been waiting for me?

But oh, that hope, the torture ripping at my heart,
tearing at me with vines and thorns as though it were an art.

I wish for an end. I wish for that sea.
I wish that it could take me in, so I could be free.

Hope was pain, despair was peace.
A twisted reality, but knowledge put me at ease,

If I could achieve it, that is, but there’s no way to remove this hope from my heart-
I’m to be tormented forever, forever ripped apart.

If only I could let go. If only I could give up hope.
If only I could slip underwater, overtaken by the waves, pulled down as if by a heavy rope.

Isn’t it fact, isn’t it true,
that if you can’t let go then it’s not worth holding onto?

I’m falling apart. I want it to end.
Just as the key vanished, won’t it appear again?

Again, again, it'll always be out of my grasp,
taunting and taunting till my final gasp.

They say to never lose hope, never give in to despair,
that even in the darkest forests there’s a lantern somewhere.

There? Where? I don’t see a thing.
But perhaps it’s too dark to keep trying.