Playing It Safe

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A/N: This was originally the prologue, but I moved it. I wanted it to be right before the actual book starts as a sort of what is to come. So that being said, go back and read the new prologue now before we start delving into the rest of the book. The new prologue is slightly wordy granted, however I think it will really help you understand Journey's thinking. A lot more than you think is going on underneath the surface. You'll get more insight into her thinking as we go on and progress, however, for now let what you will read sink in.

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"You play things safe." he took a long drag of the blunt. My eyes flickered to his lips and the smoke tumbling out of them. His eyes danced over to mine and I forgot how to breath when his lips curved upward into a smirk. His way of living life was the most terrifying and exciting thing to me. He did what he wanted and did not give a damn about anyone's opinion.

I wished for years to be like that.

I opened my mouth to reply, but nothing came out. He smiled and shook his head at me averting his gaze to in front of him. He brought the joint back up to his lips and took a long drag again. Smoke tumbling out of his mouth. "People like you will spend their entire lives convincing themselves they are happy. You'll even start to believe you are. Because you have never experienced actual happiness. You've never allowed yourself to be anything besides safe. You never do anything before calculating the pros and cons," he turned towards me. A whiff of marijuana slapping me in the face. I scrunched my nose, it smelled like a skunk. "You do everything the way it is supposed to be done, and why?" he raised his eyebrows at me taking a drag of the blunt again. He leaned in closer and blew it into my face. "Because you are okay with living a sub-par life. You're terrified that if you stray away from your ordinary existence that you might like it. You live your life daily wanting to live up to every expectation people have for you and why? If you really sat down for a moment and thought about what you want, it would change your entire life, but I know you never will though. Because you are teriffied of letting everyone down. Because you know that once you get a taste of actual freedom and real happiness, you aren't going to want to go back to normal."

I let out a chuckle. "Wow. You have me all figured out don't you. You know me for what...a day and a half and suddenly you know what I'm thinking," I laughed and jumped down from the brick wall we had been sitting on. I slid his jacket off my body and tossed it at him. "Let's get one thing straight. I don't play things safe. I have the life I busted my ass for. Meanwhile, you just what...keep yourself high so you don't see how much of a failure you are? You're the worst kind of person acting like you know the secret to life, but really you don't you know anything more than the rest of us... and you're stupid if you think otherwise. Everyone goes about their life differently. I choose to live my life the way I do because I don't particularly like leaving things up to chance. I enjoy knowing what I am getting into and knowing what to expect because I'm an adult with goals ahead of me," I paused and looked at the ground folding my arms in front of me and smiling slightly. I brought my gaze back up to him the smile still painted on my face. The forced, fake, angry smile. "I'm not a child who wants to be reckless unlike you."

He averted his gaze back to the house in front of him. Ignoring me completely. My smile faded and I went to turn around to leave. In the corner of my eye, I saw him smile. "Safe." he said. I turned around to face him. My resolve fading quickly. He glanced at me then laughed throwing the finished blunt on the ground and jumping off the brick wall to step on it. He turned to walk away but stopped turning back around to face me. My eyes that were focused on the ground shot up to look at his. "Your argument about me being a failure and a child were very inaccurate," I cocked my eyebrow interest in what he had to say to defend himself. "I was just like you. Graduated valedictorian, full ride scholarship to Harvard Law. Got a 4.0 and a Master's Degree," he laughed and lifted his arm to scratch the back of his head. "I'm twenty-eight Journey and the first time in my life I stopped to examine if I was happy was the day I got that stupid piece of paper. All I could think about was I spent six years of my life busting my ass for this? A piece of paper with fancy font and silly words. I gave up really living the best years of my life all for this. A few moments of satisfaction and a piece of paper. The only thing I thought about after that was spending the rest of my life until I was old enough to retire doing the exact same thing I just finished. Reviewing case after case, meeting with person after person, staying in the office hours after I was supposed to be home because God knows a lawyer's job is never done," he chuckled a bit and shuffled his feet putting his hands in his pockets. His gaze flickered to the ground and never came back up to meet mine. "It was on the day I graduated that I said fuck it. That was two years ago Journey. Two entire years ago yet I can honestly say that every day since then I've been happier than the day I got that stupid piece of paper. So no, I am neither a child nor a failure. I just chose to be happy over  living up to every expectation people had for me because you only get to make one person happy in your life," He smiled slightly in a way that was forced and turned around walking away. "Unlike you Journey, I chose me."

It was right then I realized he and I were the same person.