Shy||l.t. a.u.

day twelve||part one

I see you keep looking at me. The pity in your eyes is so apparent and I hate that you look so sad.

The worst part is, I know I'm the reason for it. I snapped at you so harshly and it was just me, being an ass. But I still love you.

I really do.

I think I was just too scared at the moment.

But for some reason, I don't think you'd understand that.

I want to talk to you again, properly.

Maybe one of the moments when I see you looking at me again, I'll smile. Because I want to see your beautiful smile.

I know you feel bad for me, because you don't feel the same way I do to you. But please don't pity me.

I can't take that.

I really can't.

Congratulations on graduating by the way.

I wrote my speech for the valedictorian speech, and I thought about you as I wrote it.

I have to go on soon.

I wanted to make this note special, because this will probably be the last one that I will write, since college is coming and all.

I love you,Holland.

Remember that I will forever and always love you. There is no end to my love for you. And when you're with your husband, please just remember my love towards you.

But I know that you never will, when in reality, I never want you to see these horrific notes.

It's completely humiliating.

I love you, Holland.

Louisx

The names are called one by one, Louis in the back row waits patiently as the rows stand up at a time once another row is done being called. Holland is in the row in front of him and he sees her cap bounce up and down as she fidgets nervously. He notices her breath in and exhale out as she tries to calm herself down slowly, and he always knew that she was afraid of attention on herself. He also knows how she's clumsy, and he knows she doesn't want to embarrass herself by falling on the stage while getting her diploma.

Her head slowly turns to look into Louis' eyes, and he sees the sad expression once again on her face. He works up the courage to smile slightly at her, and she sends a small one back to him. His heart flutters inside his chest and he feels the heavy weight be lifted off of his chest, letting him breathe in the air properly.

When Louis' name is called he lets out a large, shaky breath before walking down the isle, seeing his principle stand before him with a wide smile on his thin lips. He shakes the man's hand and recieves his diploma before looking out at the crowd for his parents, he sees his mother sitting in a seat, clapping for him with glossy eyes, but he has a feeling that this shining moment for him isn't the only thing she's crying for. His father is no where to be seen. Louis slowly walks back to his seat, waiting for the graduation to be near towards the end, so he could give his speech and get it over and done with.

Minutes later, feeling like hours the principle says to give the graduating students another round of applause. Louis gets up from his seat when he sees the man look at him with a nod. "Now, I would like to announce the valedictorian of this years school year. Louis Tomlinson!" cheers and applaud erupt through the auditorium and Louis shakily but quickly walks up to the stage that seems so far away. The boy swallows thickly before standing in front of the podium that holds the microphone. He quietly clears his throat before leaning into speak.

"Hello?" he says, his soft voice now echoing through the silent auditorium. He sees the all the eyes that stare back at him, his classmates, and their parents. He feels himself sweating profusely and cringes slightly."My name is Louis Tomlinson, I'm a student here." he starts, his voice shaking. "I have attented all four years at this school and let me just say it was eventful." small murmurs of laughter are heard through the seats, causing a small smile to grow on the boy's lips, a few buds of confidence bloom inside of him and he feels hismelf standing taller on the stage where the spotlight only shines on him at the moment. "I just want to say, that, to all the students here, be who you want to be, and don't hide under a mask. If you're different, it's okay. And parents, let your child express themselves in a way they want to. If you want them to be a football star, but they want to be something a little more simpler in life, respect them, don't force it upon them. It will only make them want to distance themselves away from you. And I know all parents want a close relationship with their child." he notices some nods of approval coming from the adults in front of him. "All in all, when you start to be indepandant and start living your life, classmates, I advise you to not be who your parents want you to be. Be who you want to be. Be yourself, and live life the way you want to." Louis leans away from the microphone, catching eyes with Holland but he quickly looks away, parting his pink lips before leaning in again. His eyes search for his mother in the crowd and he sees her sitting there, with a small smile. "I mean, I come from personal experience." he says as he keeps his gaze on his mother. "I don't want most things regular teenagers like me want, but that's okay, I embrace it. I don't hide under a stupid mask. I'm not hidden like that. Well, right now I'm actually trying to be somone I'm not, a confident person, because in reality I'm shy, and I feel like I need to pass out right here, right now." small sounds of laughter are heard once again. Louis feels all his confidence growing, and he wants to keep speaking but knows he has to end it. He smiles brightly. "Congratulations class of the two thousand thriteen, two thousand fourteen school year." he says quickly before stepping away from the podium and walking off the stage.