A Tale of Crown and Country

Lea

"It's not like anyone would have truly recognized me in that crowd," Lea sulked. She and Arlan were sitting at one end of Hely's long table, while the rest of the guests sat at the other. Lea played with her food, pushing it around her plate. She'd been having a wonderful time at the market and Arlan had pulled her away. He, on the other hand, was eating without a care in the world.

"You never know what could happen," he noted.

Lea wanted to respond with something witty and quick, but nothing came to mind fast enough. Besides, she didn't want to start another fight. As much as she could see herself surviving on her own, it just wasn't as much fun without a friend.

"If we leave within the hour we'll reach Odeila by nightfall," Arlan said.

"What if I don't want to go to Odeila?" she said casually.

"What?"

"You're always directing our next destination."

Arlan sighed. "Do you want to go somewhere else?"

"No. I want to go to Odeila. But that's not the point," she added hurriedly.

"Lea–"

"Do you really want to go to Odeila, Arlan? You're just running."

"So are you," he accused.

"I'm no longer running from someone. I'm running towards something. I don't want to go back. There's a difference."

"Lea, can we, not do this here," Arlan gestured to the rest of the guests at the table who were probably listening to every word they said.

"I can't trust you, Arlan!" she cried. "I thought I could. I thought I was okay with not knowing anything about you. I thought I was alright not knowing why you were running, I just accepted you as a companion. But I'm not anymore."

"Where is this coming from?" Arlan said, raising his voice. The entire room was surely listening by now. "Why the sudden outburst?"

"It's all just–just so much," she explained. It wasn't really an explanation to him as it was to herself. She hadn't noticed the building anger, frustration, and amassed difficulties being pushed aside until they resembled a calcified mass of hysteria inside her brain. And now the cracks were breaking and all the anxieties and emotions she'd pushed aside to deal with later were spilling out; the mass couldn't handle a fight with Arlan, and it was pushing back. If she'd known how difficult this was would she have bothered leaving the carriage in Aldira? It took everything in her not to burst into tears then and there.

"Lea..." Arlan said quietly. He'd noticed the tension of the room, and the edge she was about to tip over.

She needed to get out. That was it. Out of this stuffy room, out from under the multitude of eyes that pushed her down.

Lea ran. She hopped out from the bench she sat on with an agility she'd never possessed before. She made it just outside the room before tears began to fall. By the time she reached the outdoors her breath came in heaves and stopped short in her chest. She felt as if the world were spinning and she couldn't stop it. Nothing was in her control now. All she wanted to do was collapse into a little ball and cry. But that wasn't going to solve anything. And maybe that was the problem, that she kept trying to solve things. Lea kept wanting to be in control of her life, and she had it; except that now it was threatening to drown her. The bandits, her father, Arlan, all the running; they were piling up into a mountain of uncontrollable actions. All of which she'd willingly thrown herself into. She'd never known that it would be this difficult, that things would get this out of hand.