I just wanted to explain what happened in my last post and why I said those things.
I have had a few shitty things happen in my life but so many people have it worse, and if you feel the same way I do just know that this isn't an impossible fight, you can win it and if you can gather up enough courage then it won't be hard to win. I have my best friend to thank for helping me realise that. CarrieTheEnder
Now, on with what happened.
Some of you might know that my biological dad left me and my mum when I was born.. And my step dad now is an okay guy but he sometimes will say something that will really hurt my feelings and if I come to him about it or just tried talking to him normally he would just shrug me off, but he doesn't treat my mum this way. So it makes me feel like a waste of time and space.
At my school the bullying is pretty bad.. They all mainly focus on me, I don't know why though. It was the usual for a while, a few punches and kicks and mean names but then they tried something new.. I was on my way home from school when the guys came up behind me and shoved me into an alleyway, they beat me up like usual but then one of them pulled out a pocket knife and he stabbed me in the right arm, afterwards they ran of and left me there. I thought I was going to die and I was terrified. But someone found me there and they called 999, I was taken to hospital and I found out later that the guys were arrested for attempted murder, when I was able to leave the hospital and go back to school, everyone told me that if I just simply fought them off none of this would have ever happened, they didn't even care about me though, they cared about the guys who were arrested and they said it was my fault.. So it makes me feel worthless and weak.
The 'friends' that I did have were concerned about me being injured, they helped me do things that were hard for me, like school work, since I'm right handed it was painful to move my arm. But sometimes they would mess up simple things as if they were trying to, they would apologise to me and I would forgive them, but then they started poking at my arm because they wanted to see the scar, but I wouldn't let them because I don't even like to look at it. So now they pick on me.. It's not as bad as the other guys, just name calling and some kicks of my chair in class. Now I have Carrie and that's not a problem with me, I really like talking to her! But it hurt to lose them. So it made me feel alone and hated.
But even if I can't stop the thoughts now I will try to fight them. I will try to be rid of them and be happy. It's going to be hard but I swear I won't stop fighting.. I promise.
Xx
Oh.. And Carrie?
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