Caring Too Much: The Jacob EngIish Story

Dear whoever may find this,

I could not go on without telling my story. Leaving those who loved me without an explination. I never though it would come to this. But I had enough. I left so much inside, nobody knew whatwas going on inside my head until now. May that it be scores and decades later until someone finds this, at one will know the story of Jacob English.

***************************************************************************************************************

THURSDAY, 9th MAY

Today was supposed to be a good day. After all the things I have been through in the past, I expected that today would be better. School was almost out and today in band after school we would have a backyard banquet with BBQ, Rotel, chips, cake, etc,. so how could this day possibly be bad. Everyone else seemed to always be happy. Why couldn't I have that for a change? I wasn't the best good looking at school, or the tallest, or the smartest, or the funniest, or the weirdest, just...average. Not to many people knew my name. They just knew me by my nickname "Hey you!" or " Hey, kid move out the way!" I am fifteen and still being called a kid. Maybe because I still look like one. Nevertheless, I didn't want anything to get me down today. Not anyone or anything not even myself which seemed to be my biggest enemy of all. I just wanted happiness. Is that to much to ask? Turns out Iwas about to find out just how much it cost to be happy and how much it hurt.

I got to school five minutes before the bell rang to go to first period, just like every morning due to the late bus. The bus wasn't the bad part of school like most people imagine. At least my bus wasn't. I usually just sat on my phone listening to music and occasionally drifting off into a nap before adn after school. I steppeed off the bus and saw what I always saw. The same girls that wore leggings that exposed their butt to all the jocks and thugs that just mistreated girls for sex. The worst part is that the girls seemed hurt but never showed it. The guys would slap them on their butt and the girls would on laugh. Complete lost of self-respect for themselves and so called "men" who play with girls like a five year old plays with toys. In a sense that all it is. Boys that never grow up and find bigger and better toys to play with. Getting bored with one after five minutes and moving on to the next one. With complete disregard of that girls are not toys and are actual people with feelings. Thats all I ever see in them. It makes me sick to my stomach. They look at me with devil-like eyes and laugh at me because I dress differntly than them. I never understood how a pair of blue jeans and shirt is so funny. But I didn't even mind them today. Because today was supposed to be a good day.

Everyone was sitting down and talking before the bell rang. I would too as well but, I knew if I waited it would take a centry for me to shove my through the sea of people to get to my locker and to class on time. So I keep walking with my head down to my locker. As I begin to put my stuff away that I don't need until after lunch the bell rings. I quickly keep putting my stuff away as a group of guys come up behind me. This wasn't my first rodeo. I knew if I looked back or ran away to quickly they would push me down. So I stayed there. One pushes me clean out of the way hurtling into my neighbors locker. I looked up at hem as they passed with grins as wide as mountain range laughing on my lapel. I did nothing but let them pass. I straighted myself and went to class as if nothing happened. like I always do. Because today was supposed to be a good day.

***************************************************************************************************************

Third period began and I was already nice and settled into the cussions of Ms. King's couch. Ms. King was my band director and was not a force to be wrecking with. But I was on her good side, and so were alot of people in band. So I figured she wouldn't say anything to me if I just layed down on her couch for a few minutes. The only thing on the adgenda (playing wise) was gradution which was next week. I new my part well and so did everyone else. But I grunted with exhaustion and discontent when I heard Ms. King say " Boy get up off my couch and get your trumpet. All of you c'mon get your instruments." She had a smile on her face.I guess because she was excited that today we were going to have food. She is always in a good mood when food is involved. "Do we have to?," I heard Martinia say while she came through the door of the band room. "Yes you do," said Ms. King. " Well I'm going to go hide from you. I hope you know that." And that she did. Ms. King seemed like she didn't care at all. Mostly because, Ms. King loved Martina, and knew that when it came down to business she knew that she Martina would be there and play. Martina was a sophomore and was beautiful. Yes she was short but she had a frontside that made up for it all. She was funny and kind at times and always made me have me a smile on my face. We had been friends since the beggining of school and now that it was the end I decided why not try to make her a little bit more than friends?It seemed as if she liked me anyway even though I was freshmen and she was a sophomore age didn't seem like a big deal. Besides she didn't turn sixteen until August anyway. Thats when I decided that today was definitely going to be a good day....no a great day!