It's easier at Zayn's flat, but sometimes it doesn't happen that way. Sometimes they end up at Liam's because it's closer to the diner they frequent. This time it was because Liam's girlfriend had just left after an argument, and she said Liam was being an asshole, and naturally, Liam felt bad about himself and he missed Zayn, and he sent a quick "come over" text, and that was all they ever needed.
So Zayn's phone dinged on the counter as his fingers were covered in paint as he messily filled a 8x10 canvas he'd found under his bed. He leaned over to look as the air was illuminated above his phone on the table. With the light of his screen bright compared to the yellow lamp on his table, the name "Liam" was bright and beautiful above the message. So Zayn scrubbed his hands the best he could to answer the message, and left the canvas and the drying palette abandoned on his table as he threw a jacket over his sweater and left.
Zayn sighed to himself as he drove the familiar path to Liam's apartment, and like every time he drives it, he remembered when he used to drive here, and how it didn't mean anything. But now, as he turns onto Liam's street, he's met with how no one else knows he's here, because 1). Liam has a girlfriend, 2). Liam's straight, 3). Liam doesn't fuck guys, and 4). He doesn't fuck Zayn. Except- 1). he does, 2). he isn't, 3). he does, and 4). he definitely does.
Zayn pulls up and parks, the cold metal of the key harsh against his fingertips as he pulls it from the ignition. As he gets out of the car, Zayn's layers of clothing don't feel like enough in the cold afternoon of February, and his walk up the steps to Liam's flat feels like a lie. Especially as his secret key slips easily into the lock like it did last week. Zayn gets in and locks both locks, because it makes him feel safe. Zayn starts to take a step further, but Liam rushes in from the other room, and Zayn's back finds the door as Liam's warmth crowds his space. However, it's not demanding nor invasive, it's gentle touches- Liam's thumb tracing Zayn's brow and his cheek bone and running along his lip. Liam's voice is so fucking gentle as he says,
"I missed you." The words are so heavy. The words are packed full with confessions of love and self hatred, but Zayn understands, so he kisses Liam's hand and nods.
If things were different, Zayn would feel used when Liam moves to kiss him. But Zayn understands. Zayn knows that Liam hates it- hates hiding his affection for the boy. Zayn knows that's Liam feels shame with every kiss. But Zayn also knows what their kisses feel like, so he understands when Liam deepens it. The only thing that Zayn has a hard time to understanding is why Liam is still with his girlfriend. He knows that Liam's parents would wonder why he's single, he knows that Liam would feel bad for ending things, but Zayn also knows that what they're doing together is hurtful to her. But Zayn also remembers how it felt to be ashamed of his attraction to boys, so he supposes that it makes sense. It's just hard when he can only touch Liam in the dark or when they're shut in a flat where no one knows they're there.
Zayn remembers the first time, when they're fingers were shaky and it went too quick. But now, Liam's kissing down Zayn's neck, sucking a mark into his skin- something only Liam can do, Zayn learned that quickly one night, before Liam muttered how sorry he was. But Zayn's skin is on fire nevertheless. Liam pulls away for a moment, his hand pushing up Zayn's sweater, his thumbs pressing down onto Zayn's hipbones,
"D'you get in okay?"
Zayn nodded,
"I don't wanna talk about the traffic, Li," there's a soft smile on his face, but there's a hint of aggravation and Liam chuckles around it into the warm skin of Zayn's neck.
They get Zayn's jacket off and they abandon it on the floor along with his rucksack and keys. Zayn kicks off his vans and pulls Liam in by his waistband because he fucking can, and kisses him hard on the mouth, biting his lip and pulling back, taking a deep breath and Liam knows- he knows that Zayn is deep in his head and deep in the guilt, and it's written all over Liam's face that it's getting to him too, but he can't fucking stand it. So he's pulling Zayn with him, pulling him into his bedroom. The door is closed and Zayn's sweater is off, and his nipples are fucking cold and Liam laughs at him for it and Zayn loves him so much. But Liam's determined to get Zayn out of his head, and Zayn is on his back, laying on Liam's bed- Liam's bed where she lays all the fucking time.
