Mind Blown

Prologue

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Prologue

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When I was a little girl, I used to sit on the front porch of my house and look at the clouds. I imagined what things the shapes could represent; sometimes it was an alligator, an elephant, or maybe a crow. I remember one day when I was three years old, I looked up and I saw in the sky a couple holding hands. I smiled up at the sky and then continued to play with my dolls; the image never left my mind.

It could have been days, weeks, or months later, but I remembered what I saw in the clouds, and I imagined in my baby brain the kind of man I would one day want to marry me. Because that is what makes a little girls' mind so beautiful and so innocent; the fact that she never imagines boyfriends, wrong relationships, the negatives, she simply dreams of the good things. She dreams of her future husband. What I imagined that day was something I was unaware I would one day hold in my very own hands. The same tiny hands that in that moment attempted to braid a messy do on my long wavy locks as I imagined a perfect future.

What I never imagined and what I could have never foreseen that day, or any other day, was that as beautiful as the turn my life would take one day and I would meet him, things would go terribly wrong. Not because I did not love him or because he did not love me, but because time was a traitor and it betrayed me with a dagger stabbed on my back leaving me breathless and paralyzed.

Being in that place is one I seemed to find myself in when that something great ended. The moment where the relationship was over and there was nothing left, yet it seemed to continue on. In our case we were broken up, but we were still talking and flirting; it felt natural to have the other simply there. The situation was horrible. Any logical person would say I could not put myself in that position, and they would have been right. But when the time came where I had to walk away from him... the one I had trusted with my heart, emotions, mind, body, and soul. The person that had made me the happiest I ever thought was possible, the one who knew all of my secrets and what I was thinking even before I said it out-loud. The person I thought the world of. The person I had shared years of memories and feelings with... it was so difficult to turn around, walk away and never look back. And I do not believe that is how it was supposed to go regardless; even if the world told me about the pain it would cause in the long run for keeping him in my life after ending it all.

Here was the simple truth: I was never going to find someone like him again. Maybe someone smarter, someone more attractive, someone less attentive, someone funnier, someone less confident, but definitely someone different than him, however, never someone like him. When someone makes you feel as good and as bad as only he could do to me, you should be able to hold on to that for as long as it is possible. Happiness is a feeling envied by many. As a human, I like anyone else, spend my entire life searching for happiness and hoping to get it, and when I finally have it, would I give it up without looking back? No. If he took me to the highest peaks of happiness when I was with him, I should not have to let him go. Because for every stupid fight that blew over nothing, there was a late-night makeup that made us run to each other and kiss as if it was the last time. For every angry text saying: "I can't do this anymore", there was a good morning apology that reminded me why I cared so much. For every restless night spent crying, there was the laughter we shared rolling around in his bed until our sides hurt. Even if there are times I cannot stand to look at him—and those times will come often—I still understand that he makes me feel truly happy and I should not lose that.