The Gnome

After the Holy Hour

-Susan's family has just left church. They are all having a lovely conversation about God and his message on the way to Home Depot. The kids are not amused as they just want food.-

"oh don't worry honey I'm sure our little church is a good one to take our kids  for the glory message", Susan happily exclaims to her husband John Smith. John keeps just nodding as his dull wife yammers on and on. He needs a beer or 20. "Oh and John I'll be quick in home depot. I just need a garden gnome. I think they should have the Sam Gnome still", she turns and looks at John," Are you listening to me? Forget it." He still looks dead inside. They pull up to the store and Susan gets out ready to buy what she needs or she'll ask for a manager promptly. With her bob smoothed down and her heels clacking on the floor she walks into Home Depot and everyone near her is now afraid. "Welcome to Home Dep..." She is cut off by a sassy hand and a side eye glare. The employee looks down not sure what she did so wrong. Susan wonders around looking for Sam Gnome when she spots Hellen across the way and a few feet down is the gnome. Susan fears that last gnome has two fairy gardeners after it. "Hellen! What a  lovely surprise!" Susan is basically screaming her little bob off. Hellen snaps her head so quickly it is a surprise to those around her that her head doesn't fly off. "Susan! What are you doing here?" Hellen is eyeing the gnome worryingly. The two meet in front of the gnome hoping the other doesn't want it. "I'm here to get the last thing I need for my garden", Susan says proudly as she leans to grab the gnome. Hellen with the rage of a thousand PTA bake sales grabs Susan and throws her to the ground. "I'm afraid I can't let you take that. Only real PTA moms who don't buy their cookies can have such a lovely gnome." Hellen smirks and smooths down her medium length hair. "Oh yeah i agree. Which is why you don't deserve it with those nasty sugar cookies you got on sale at kroger. You can't fool a good mom my dear." Hellen is now steaming with anger since her baking has been insulted. She decides to go big or die trying. "Well, Susan, I wonder what the PTA would think if they saw you acting more exciting than Diane's track suit? Oh wait they actually don't care about you since all you do is overeat and complain about everyone's kids. Maybe if you were a better mom and actually helped your kids do better you could have a bumper sticker like the rest of us. Now why don't you go home and get wine drunk again while your husband downs more beers. i'm sure your kids are used to you guys being bad parents anyways." Susan is sitting down still. Speechless that Hellen could not just throw her down but also tear into her like that. Susan will not stand for this so she decides to try to say something back. Susan stands up and mentally prepares herself for what she is about to do. "Hellen, my dear neighbor and fellow PTA member can you do the world a favor and shut your whore mouth", Susan is brushing off her clothes as she speaks," We all know you bully and harass everyone to makeup for your low self-esteem. You never lost the baby weight from Billy, your husband drowns himself in whiskey and strippers since you never care about him anymore, we all know you've been cheating hoping to help how you see yourself even though you just look like a slut, and to top it all off your children hate you and themselves. Not to mention all the times you showed up to soccer games and practices trashed off of cheap alcohol. No one likes you Hellen." Susan takes a step closer to Hellen with fire in her eyes. "Really I'm surprised none of us have called the cops on you for how often you and Henry drunk fight. Your kids must hate it. Maybe that's why they blast that metal so loud they can't think. Then they drown themselves in homework as a distraction of a broken home.  Why the tears? This is what you do to everyone everyday. So I suggest you take your overweight self home and rethink how your life is going", Susan waves goodbye and grabs the gnome as she finishes that last statement. While Hellen is crying in the middle of the garden supplies aisle Susan pays for the Sam Gnome with a satisfied smirk.

-When Susan goes back to the car her husband and kids ask how it went. Her only reply is "fine" and she smiles. They return home and the gnome sits on a pedestal in the middle of the fairy garden reminding her next door neighbor of that fateful day in Home Depot-