Fucking 90s · K.C. [ENGLISH VERSION OF "Malditos 90s"]

Sixteenth farewell

I went to visit him every day from March 31 to April 5. That Tuesday the sky was fucking dark and it seemed that it would never dawn of what was raining, it was like a breakthrough that everything would be wrong.

The previous days Kurt was more and more turned off to the point where the previous afternoon he didn't want to see me. I was confused, very confused. I even thought if I did something wrong and if I shouldn't have made him enter that detoxification center.

I also have to admit that Kurt was very tired of fame and that he commented on several occasions his desire to withdraw from music, I can say that he suffered from anxiety.

Nothing that isn't solved with a little professional help, I thought again and again for me.

That April 5, I trusted myself too much and decided to leave the house to buy some things. I really wish I never would have done it. I wasn't aware of the date it was until in the store itself the saleswoman looked at me totally alarmed and came running to me.

- You're Cobain's girlfriend? Kurt Cobain? The Nirvana one?

- Well... What's wrong? -I said, somewhat surprised by her reaction.

- They just said on the radio that Kurt has escaped from the detoxification center where he was and that he's missing.

That's when my stomach fell to the ground and I realized it was April 5, but a year wrong. I realized that small changes in the past have giant ramifications and that you'll always want to stay the same and not be changed.

I dropped the bag and dropped it on the floor and ran to our apartment, since none of us wanted to buy the house that I knew from the house where Kurt Cobain died.

When I arrived, I could barely open the door of what my hands were shaking. I was crying without realizing it and could hardly see, I feared the worst.

- Kurt? Are you here? -I said, closing the door behind me.

I didn't get an answer, but I heard a sob coming from what was our room. Upon entering I found a Kurt on his knees in a fetal position crying.

- Sweetie...

- Stay away.

His voice was cold and his tone angry, but he was unable to look at me.

- Okay, I'm staying here. -I said approaching slowly trying not to notice.

- I said don't move! -he shouted, raising his head.

That's when I saw that there was a shotgun in his hands.

- Where the fuck did you get that and what do you do with it Kurt?

He didn't answer.

- Give it to me! -I exclaimed.

In a quick movement I managed to take the gun from his hands and he came to me. When we were facing each other, he looked at me crying even more and grabbed the front of the gun pointed at himself.

- What the hell are you doing?

- Do it Narel.

- What?

- Squeeze the fucking trigger.

- Are you crazy? -he was still holding the shotgun.

- Do it, fuck! I can't take it anymore, I'm tired of living. My life is crap, I can't anymore.

- Kurt, everything can be solved if...

- If that? If you lock me up in another prison with an association name to detoxify me? The drug is the only thing that made me feel alive and you have taken it from me. I'm sick of Nirvana and everything. I have nothing left. I'm just a piece of junkie shit that isn't worth anything.

- Don't talk like that about yourself. -I began to cry harder.

- But it's the truth, it's what I am and I can't do anything. You can't help me, nobody can help me.

- I promised to do everything I could to make you happy...

- Do you want to make me happy? Kill me once.

- It's very selfish what you ask me Kurt.

- Okay, I'll do it myself.

In a blink Kurt took the gun from me and stepped in front of me as he walked slowly backwards.

- Kurt, please, you're making a big mistake.

- Narel you shouldn't see this...

- Don't do it. -I said with a voice.

- Please go.

- No, I'm not going to leave until you let go of the fucking weapon.

- Narel, I really appreciate all you've done for me. I'm aware that you left everything behind for me and...

- Well, what the fuck are you doing, Cobain? You're all I have and you're threatening to shoot yourself!

- I'm sorry. I can't take it anymore, I'm tired and tired of everything. I guess the past doesn't want to be changed, right? I really appreciate everything, but I can't do it anymore. If you've really ever loved me, you'll understand, I'm sorry to do this to you, Narel, really, but understand.

- You're a selfish shit...

Kurt approached slowly and kissed me. It was the saddest kiss I had in my life.

After that he walked away and returned to his previous position. I was completely paralyzed without being able to stop crying.

- Go away please...

Something in me told me to do it and to trust that he wasn't going to do anything, and leaving was the stupidest thing I could have done.

I was outside for a couple of minutes waiting for him to come out, but there was only silence.

- I love you.

Those three words were the only thing I heard before a deafening whistle flooded the house. He had done it, he had shot himself. He had committed suicide.

Something inside me gave me strength to enter, I wanted to check that he was still alive and that the shot was in the air, but when I entered I realized that this was real. That he had left to not return.

I tried to revive him, I asked him for forgiveness, I asked him to come back, I shouted that I loved him, but nothing. Kurt had left me forever.