A Slice of Heaven

She didn't care about her appearance anymore. Perhaps she's entirely lost the will to live, or maybe she's going through one of those awkward phases again. She just didn't have it in her to care.

It was a drastic change from her usual more-than-flattering attire. Tight tank tops, high-waisted bottoms, and signature ankle boots (proudly snagged from her local thrift shop) were what she usually wore. But not this time.

It was like she went to bed as her normal self and woke up as a stranger. She started looking more and more unkempt as the weeks passed by. She stopped caring about her appearance and wanted a change. Though this change was not without a good reason, no. This change, like most, was caused by a broken heart.

It felt like she was living in a nightmare, seeing the love of her life wrapped around someone who was most definitely not her. She, looking at him with warmth in her eyes, and he, looking at her like she was the only girl in the world. The way he used to look at her.

She felt the icy shards of glass creep through her spine and to her beating heart, wrapping, and wrapping around it until her heart was no more than a cold piece of ice. And just when she thought she had had enough of seeing the cause of her surely untimely demise, he leaned in and kissed her like it was their last.

'Whoops, I think that was my heart that just shattered.' she thought.

She ran away with tears in her eyes, all the while thinking 'No, no, no, keep it in until you're alone. You can't show them. You can't show anyone.' and wishing she had never met him, wishing she had never fallen in love with him, and wishing she had never felt the pain ever so slowly spreading throughout her entire body. Because that's what it felt like. That's what it felt like to see the love of your life fall in love with somebody else.

Later that night, as she lay in her bed awake, her phone buzzed. It was a text from him.

'We need to talk. Can we meet up in the cafe tomorrow?' it said.

She sent a simple 'okay' and spent the rest of the night trying not to cry and overthink again. Sad to say, it didn't really work out well for her and she ended up doing so anyway. At the crack of dawn she got up and dressed herself in her most comfortable clothes, thinking that nothing great was going to come out of that day anyway, so she might as well dress comfortably for it.

Arriving at the quaint cafe, she quickly spotted him sitting in the far corner booth by the window. It was what they would like to call 'their place'. It was a place where lots of good memories happened, some more so than others, and it pained her to see that now, she wasn't going to remember it as a happy place for both of them. Rather, it will be overshadowed by the bad memories that are sure to come.

'C'est la vie' she thought. Over and over again she thought of that until she got to the booth. Sitting down in front of him, she fiddled with her fingers on the table. No one said a word, and the tense silence was nothing but uncomfortable.

Thankfully, a waitress came and asked for their orders, both of them asking for coffee. After she left, he cleared his throat and uttered the words that would break the silence.

"I'm leaving soon. For Cambodia."

For a while, no one said a thing again. Both of them lost in their thoughts, sitting in a booth where they were once more than the strangers they were in that moment.

"That's great." she quietly said. She didn't know what to think anymore. Was he just covering up for what he did last night? Trying to find an easier way to break up with her? The thought sent a pang to her heart. She never thought they would come to a point in their lives where they would become this. This, this thing they called a relationship. One that's falling apart by the seams with each minute that passes. A relationship where they appear as if they're so close, yet in reality there's an ocean in between them.

And it's hard, and it's painful to think about, but she knows she should let go. She should let him go, because they both deserve it. She should let him go, because even if she doesn't want to admit it to herself, deep down inside, she knows that trying to keep this alive will only hurt them more.

The tense silence that has fallen over them was shattered yet again by the waitress arriving with their coffee. As she stared at her cup, she mulled over her decision. She thought and rethought. She knew she was doing the right thing for both of them, but it didn't lessen the pain she felt in that moment. Even though she knew that it's not fair to herself, there's a selfish part of her that wanted to keep him there, with her. She wanted him, God, she just wanted him.

But as she tightened her grip on her porcelain cup and looked him in the eye, her own eyes reflected the words that she didn't want to say. And in that moment he understood. She knew. And she was letting him go. And it was painful, and it squeezed his heart, but at the same time, he felt lighter than he did before.

That day, as they bid goodbye to each other for the last time, he looked at her and said, "You'll find him one day, you know. You deserve better." And she smiled at him, even though her heart was screaming that he's the only one she will ever be able to love that much. Even though it took everything in her to not break down, she let him go.

Despite her shattered heart, she knew that years later, after that dark period in her life, she would find him again. She would hug him, and she would say thank you. Because without him, she wouldn't have experienced that small slice of heaven.

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credits to idcsilke on weheartit for the picture used for the cover

dedicated to my best friend.